Saturday, July 31, 2010

Things you didn't know about the dead.

Common facts
When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go -- the first is usually sight, followed by taste, smell and touch

A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it has been decapitated

100 people choke to death on pens each year. One is more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a spider

Alexander's funeral would have cost $600 million today. A road from Egypt to Babylon was built to carry his body

When inventor Thomas Edison died in 1931, his friend Henry Ford captured his last dying breath in a bottle

6. Over 2500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products made for right-handed people

It takes longer than ever before a body to decompose due to preservatives in the food that we eat these days

An eternal flame lamp at the tomb of a Buddhist priest in Nara, Japan has kept burning for 1,130 years

Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry is the first person to have his ashes put aboard a rocket and 'buried' in space

Japanese factory worker Kenji Urada became the first know fatality caused by a robot in July, 1981, in a car plant.

Via: Medical Insurance

Stuff You Didn’t Know About Death

Nobody has died of old age in the USA for the past half century. That
category of cause of death was eliminated in 1951.

Now everyone must die “from” something.

There is only one real cause of death, oxygen starvation. The cause of
death on death certificates is really the cause of the cause, the cause
of cell death due to oxygen starvation.

The practice of burying the dead goes back at least 350,000 years. A
site in Atapuerca, Spain, 45 feet below the surface, held 27 hominids.
These are likely of the species Homo heidelbergensis, a possible
common ancestor of both Neanderthals and modern humans.

One study turned up at least 200 English euphemisms for death,
including “to be in Abraham’s bosom” and “just add maggots.” I have
no idea if the latter is shortened to JAM, but I would be surprised if I
was the first to notice.

A favourite of Star Trek fans is to “sleep with the Tribbles.”
We all know that bacteria and other microorganisms eat dead flesh,
and TV murder fans know that one kind of fly begins to lay its eggs in
or on the body of a dead person within minutes of death. It seems to
be less well known that the intestinal enzymes that help us to digest
our food when we are alive begin to digest the rest of our body within
three days of death.

Cells that rupture after death become attractive food for bacteria that
live in our gut. (It is estimated that our bodies are really symbionts, as
more microorganisms live within us in symbiotic relationships with our
body cells—we can’t exist without them—than we have of our own
body cells.)

Bodies of people that drown or are thrown into water after being killed,
then remain in that water, become bloated with noxious gas and float
to the surface. This explains why most drowning deaths eventually
produce dead bodies at the surface of the water.

The eyes tend to bulge out with the rest of the bloating, giving rise to
the bulging eyes we see in Halloween masks or scary movies.
While we may think that only pharaohs and rich nobles were
mummified in ancient Egypt, mummification was more popular than
that. During the building of a railway in Egypt during the late 19th
century, unearthed mummies were so common that they were used as
fuel for locomotives.
Every museum around the world who wanted a mummy could buy one
During the First World War, Egyptian mummies were shipped to
European countries where they were unwrapped and the cloth used
like paper during the paper shortage. The rest of the bodies were
burned as fuel.

All of our body cells are programmed to commit suicide at the right
time so that they can be flushed and replaced with new cells. As we
age, not enough new cells form and the DNA strands in the cells that
do become shorter. Which DNA information gets lost from the ends of
DNA strands varies, according to recent studies, but you may be able
to make some astute guesses.

Some body cells commit suicide before we are born. If they didn’t, we
would all be born with webbed feet, like ducks (with webbing between
the toes, as a surprisingly large number of people have—about one in
ten). That prehensile tail you have heard about that forms on embryos
during the second trimester is consumed well before the time of birth—
that is, before the embryo is “viable.”

That Massachusetts doctor who weighed a body immediately before
death, in 1907, then weighed it immediately after death, to find that
the difference was 21 grams (which many have since claimed to be
proof of a human soul, or at least the weigh thereof) has been proven
to have been mistaken.

Some people still maintain that the ultimate breath of a dying person is
the one where the soul leaves the body through exhalation.
In 19th century Europe, there were so many claims that living people
were buried alive because attendants thought they were dead that
“hospitals for the dead” were set up to await proof of death (in the
form of putrefaction).

Most of the stories you have heard about scratch marks on the insides
of caskets of people who were dug up days or weeks after death in
North America in past centuries are not true. Most originated in the
days when unmarried women were accused of being witches, burned
at the stake, then buried. Curious folks dug up some and devised the
stories to show that witches really could return from the dead.

More people commit suicide in New York City each year than are
murdered. (When have you read an editorial insisting that something
be done about that? I extrapolate from that statistic (through a
generalization) that more American citizens commit suicide each year
in their own country than are killed in their military in Iraq and

(Source: most of this came fromDiscover, September 2006 issue)
Written by: Bill Allin
Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for Today’s Epidemic Social Problems,
striving to teach the living and stop the killing.
Learn more at http: //billall

Friday, July 30, 2010

Pudding shots and an interesting site I found...

So a few weeks ago while looking up pudding shot recipes and I came across this website. Random I know but it's a pretty neat site and definately worth the read if you find yourself bored :p

The site is called My Science Project (My Science Project Answers Your Questions) and the article that had me cracking up is the "Buy Viagra To Keep Your Flower From Wilting?" one. There's also a good write up about these delicious pudding shots on there.

That site is also like another site I enjoy called presents: How Much Is Inside?  (Throughout the ages, man has pondered the question, "How much is inside?"
With a few extra bucks, and a decent spot on the internet, we at expose these long-hidden truths.)

Now besides sharing those awesome sites with viewers of my blog, I also noticed there isn't many places that have the best recipes listed all in 1 place so here's my try at that.
If you have any other recipes to add please feel free to comment!

Pudding Shots
3/4 cup of milk (I use whole milk personally)
1 (3oz) small box instant pudding mix
1 (8oz) tub extra creamy whipped topping, thawed
3/4 cup of alcohol

Mix milk and liquor together then add pudding mix and whisk together or blend on low speed for 2 minutes.
Fold in whipped topping.
Pour into 3/4-ounce plastic cups with lids. (If you don't use cups or some kind of container with a lid they will get pale/kinda gross looking on top and can taste freezer burned)
Best if frozen overnight.
Each recipe makes about 20 servings.


White chocolate pudding mix
1/4 cup Kahlua
1/4 cup amaretto
1/4 cup Baileys

Slippery Nipple

White chocolate pudding mix
3/8 cup Baileys
3/8 cup butterscotch schnapps

Orange Creamsicle

Vanilla pudding mix
3/8 cup Triple Sec
3/8 cup orange vodka

Rootbeer Float
Vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup rootbeer schnapps

Oatmeal Cookie

White chocolate pudding mix
1/4 cup Hot Damn (cinnamon) schnapps
1/4 cup butterscotch schnapps
1/4 cup Baileys

Cherry Cheesecake
Cheesecake pudding mix
1/2 cup vanilla schnapps
1/4 cranberry schnapps or juice

Raspberry Cheesecake
Cheesecake pudding mix
3/8 cup Raspberry Pucker or another berry schnapps
3/8 cup vanilla schnapps or vanilla flavored vodka

White chocolate pudding mix
1/2 cup Chambord (raspberry-flavored) Liquer
1/4 cup vodka

Coconut Cream Pie
Coconut pudding mix
3/8 cup vanilla schnapps
3/8 cup Malibu (coconut flavored) rum

Pumpkin Pie
Pumpkin spice pudding mix
1/2 cup butterscotch schnapps
1/4 cup vanilla vodka
(1 tbls Hot Damn (cinnamon) schnapps is optional)

Tequila Rose
Vanilla or strawberry pudding mix
1/2 cup Tequila Rose
1/4 cup vodka
1/4 cup grenadine

Just Strawberry
Vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup tequila rose

Pina Colada
Coconut cream pudding mix
1/2 cup pineapple rum
1/4 cup vodka

Tropical Flavor
Banana pudding mix
3/8 cup coconut rum
3/8 cup Blue Maui

Cafe Mocha
Chocolate pudding mix
3/4 cup Khalua

Chocolate pudding mix
3/4 cup Kahlua
3/4 cup Baileys

Chocolate Russian
Chocolate pudding mix
3/4 cup Kahlua
1/4 cup vodka

Black Forest
Chocolate pudding mix
3/8 cup black cherry vodka
3/8 cup Baileys

Mint Chocolate
Chocolate pudding mix
1/2 cup Crème de menthe
1/4 cup Baileys

Layered shots
Mix all individually then add to plastic cups in layers.
Vanilla pudding mix with tequila rose (strawberry),
white chocolate pudding mix with vanilla vodka (vanilla)
Chocolate pudding mix plus vodka and chocolate liquer (chocolate) = NEOPOLITAN!!
* If you substitute banana rum for the vanilla, it supposedly tastes like a banana split.
(I haven't tried this yet to test the theory)

I have used Carolans instead of Baileys and Kamora instead of Kahlua.
(Taste the same, same exact alcohol by volume, but 1/2 the price)

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Video pranks!

Have you ever video taped a prank being played on a friend (or foe)? I have, currently working on uploading and piecing together the 3 clips... but until then here are some videos for you to enjoy!

First off we have...

Worst husband ever?


XBox 360 Prank (Worst parents ever?)


A pilot pranking his friend by pretending to pass out:
Can't tell if this is real or not, but if it is, it's one of the meanest pranks EVER. There's a video online of a guy sitting behind a pilot in a single-engine airplane, and the pilot PASSES OUT.The plane starts losing altitude, and the guy with the camera starts ...freaking out and screaming. But then the pilot sits back up in his seat and smiles.


A group of friends pulled a ridiculous prank on a drive-thru window girl at Carl's Jr. They ordered drinks, and every time the girl turned her back, they dumped half of one drink out the window. Then they told he...r she only filled it halfway by mistake.You'd think the girl would catch on after the second or third time, but she doesn't. And in the end she and her manager BOTH decide there must be something wrong with the soda machine.


Not the Easter bunny


Hidden camera prank going bad

Post some links to horrible video pranks here!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

More Daily Lulz

How not to sneak across the border
There's a ridiculous photo online from the U.S. Border Control. It shows a guy from Mexico who tried to sneak across the border by disguising himself as a seat in a car. He's like the world's worst Transformer...

How not to rob a bank
Apparently DARTH VADER'S change of heart at the end of "Return of the Jedi" is over. He's back to being EVIL.

Last Thursday morning, he robbed a Chase Bank in the town of Setauket, on Long Island, New York. Okay . . . it was just a guy dressed in a Darth Vader costume, with the black helmet, the robes, and a cape. Check out the story here:

How not to rob McDonalds:

Woman robs McDonald's wearing underwear on her face!

A middle-aged woman wearing what appeared to be underwear on her head is wanted in connection to an overnight drive-thru burglary.

What not to do while on duty as a cop:

Hitting up a strip joint while on duty to catch Bridget the Midget do her act was a stupid decision that has cost a Stoughton crimefighter his job and reputation, the repentant cop told the Herald yesterday. That quick peek inside Alex's gentleman's club...

And last but not least, how to not pay 69$ for a hotdog
World's Most Expensive Hot Dog: Taste Test - Slashfood
This hotdog is grilled in white truffle oil and is served on a chewy pretzel-bread bun (sort of like a cross between a soft pretzel and a baguette) that's toasted with white truffle butter. It's topped with foie gras pâté with black truffles. Condiments (served on the side) include Dijon mustard with black truffles, caramelized Vidalia onions and ketchup made with heirloom tomatoes (more like a tart tomato relish). Would you pay $69 for a hot dog?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Marriage... A Must Read

(Emailed forward I received. Had me thinking)


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Daily bit of lulz

JibJab - Funny eCards, Birthday Cards, and More at JibJab
Yes I was bored so made this video starring 2 of my friends ;p

To make your own videos, ecards and more visit:

Is this the gayest thing ever? Hmmm


Some more weird laws you may not know about
Donkeys may not sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York. In Arkansas, it's alligators that aren't allowed in the tub, while in South Carolina, it's horses.

Don't try giving the twins a bath in Los Angeles, where it's illegal to wash two babies at once.

You're one toe over the line if you dip it into the bathtub before 10 p.m. in Piqua, Ohio.

Lawmakers in the state of Virginia and in Canton, Ohio, must not want their citizens to bathe: Indoor tubs are against the law. Don't head to Portland, Oregon, for relief, either. While you can have an indoor tub there, you’ll have to use it while wearing "suitable clothing…that which reaches from the bather's neck to his knees and completely covers the body."

You can be cited for "dozing or snoozing" in the tub in Detroit.


The Candwich: A Sandwich in a Can

Like a cross between a Little Debbie and a cold Hot Pocket, but also in a can, the Candwich looks pretty gross if I can say so myself.
And, unfortunately, there is more: the yellow circle on the left side of the can says "Candy Surprise Inside." Not clear whether the candy is in the sandwich itself or a bonus side item, but either way there should be no surprises in a sandwich in a can.
· Money in the Bank? No, Sandwich in a Can [NYT]
· The Candwich [Mark One Foods]
· Taste Test: Cheeseburger in a Can [AV Club]

What will people come up with next?!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Vacations and contests for the month!


My mom and step dad are going on vacation in a few days and leaving me all alone at home so I decided to do some research about vacations for myself.

I've always wanted to go on a cruise so I found this neat website. Discount Cruises at Vacations To Go. Specializing in last minute cruises, cruises, cruise lines and cruise vacations. This site even has a ticker showing mark downs that have happened for the last 90 days. Just fill out your information on this page and view cruises that have been marked down by up to 75%.
I'm very tempted! Has anyone ever went on or wanted to go on a cruise? Share stories please @ my facebook page!

Sleep in a Museum for a Month Contest @ The Museum of Science and Industry Chicago
MSI seeks roommate! Need one adventuresome person to live at MSI 24-7 for 30 days, and take home $10K. Think you or someone you know might fit the bill? 

Enter to Win the Spa Getaway of Your Dreams
If you've been dreaming of a dreamy spa vacation, Warnaco has an amazing sweepstakes for you. Just enter the Olga's Disappearing Act Sweepstakes for your chance to win a getaway to the destination of your choice, including spa treatments and travel expenses.

The grand-prize winner will receive the spa vacation of their dreams including a $3,000 SpaFinder gift card, redeemable for $3,000 worth of spa treatments at hundreds of participating locations, plus a $2,000 gift card to cover travel expenses to the spa. The total prize value is $5,000.

JetBlue's is celebrating their 10th Anniversary by giving away 10 cruise vacations on Royal Caribbean International! 

Winners will receive an oceanview stateroom for two on their preferred seven-night Caribbean voyage, including roundtrip JetBlue flights. Boasting the world's largest cruise ships with innovative amenities like ice-skating rinks and surfing wave pools, Royal Caribbean offers unforgettable ocean adventures. Now through August, we're giving away ten (10) cruise packages – enter once and you'll automatically be entered for a chance to win.

MGM Grand's Get a Life Giveaway
Turn your lame existence into the party of a lifetime at MGM Grand. Just create a video showing us why you need to get a life. If your life is deemed the lamest, you'll win a maximum Vegas weekend at MGM Grand for you and three friends September 24-26, including luxurious suite accommodations, gourmet dinners, cabana at Wet Republic, nightclub access with bottle service, tickets to KÁ™ by Cirque du Soleil®, helicopter tour of the Strip, and much more!

ZANTAC® Beat the Heat Sweepstakes
You could win an amazing 7-day trip for you and a guest to your choice of two of the Man v. Food destinations. Places like New York, Chicago and beyond.

More contests. Not vacation related but nice to win just the same!

Back to School Sweepstakes: Be Prepared and Win!
Win a $500 Visa Gift Card and more!|main|dl6|link4|

Get Daily Chances to Go Wild at Kmart with Clorox's Sweepstakes
OK, $100 worth of credit to blow at Kmart might not let you get too wild, but it sure would be fun, especially if you need supplies and clothes to go back-to-school. And Clorox's Back-to-School Essentials Sweepstakes gives you daily chances to win $100 Kmart shopping sprees.
Each of the 42 daily winners will receive a $100 gift card good at Kmart. Remember to enter everyday!

2010 Sub-Zero Dream Kitchen - Enter to Win Your Sub-Zero and Wolf Dream Kitchen

Inspire. Create. Win. Enter to win the 2010 Sub-Zero Dream Kitchen, and see the products included in the Grand Prize.

Win a New Remodeled Bathroom!
Win a Kohler Bathroom from DA Home Improvement, Inc.


If you know of any more great contests going on this summer post them here or on my facebook page! :)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Saddest picture of the century

Saddest picture of the century- Vulture waiting for child to die

Pulitzer Prize winning photograph in Sudan by Kevin Carter.

In March 1993 Kevin Carter made a trip to southern Sudan and later took this photograph. The picture would later bring him the Pulitzer prize, but also death. The girl had stopped to rest while struggling to reach the refugee camp, nearby a vulture is waiting her to die. It is a horrific picture that gave people a true look at the dire condition  in Sub-Saharan Africa. Kevin then came under a lot of scrutiny for spending over 20 minutes setting up the photo instead of helping the child. Three months after taking the photo, he committed suicide. 

NY Times: One Image of Agony Resonates in Two Lives

Saturday, July 3, 2010

More of the 'Greatest movie quotes'

The Other 100 Best Movie Quotes of All Time

100. “I love my dead gay son. —Heathers
99. “Where was ya, Wang? We was worried.” — Murder by Death
98. “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!” —The Way of the Gun
97. “How am I not myself?” — I Heart Huckabees
96. “Welcome to Debbie Country.” — Singles
95. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”- - Zoolander
94. “Well, this piece is called ‘Lick My Love Pump.’” — Spinal Tap
93. “This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.” — Swingers
92. “I hate you, and I hate your ass face!” — Waiting for Guffman
91. “Back and to the left.” — JFK
90. “No, I said ‘allo,’ but that’s close enough.” — Labyrinth
89. “That’s bee-YOU-tee-ful, what is that, velvet?” — Coming to America
88. “It’s a moral imperative.” —Real Genius
87. “Go do that voodoo that you do so well!” — Blazing Saddles
86. “No dice, soldier.” —Brick
85. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” — Conan the Barbarian
84. “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.” — Uncle Buck
83. “Do you concur?” “Damnit! Why didn’t I concur?!” — Catch Me If You Can
82. “The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.” — Biloxi Blues
81. “Big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about mudflaps, my girls got ‘em.” — Spinal Tap
80. “My life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.” — Muriel’s Wedding
79. “Guns are for show. Knives are for pros.” — Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
78. “I shall call him Squishy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be MY Squishy.” — Finding Nemo
77. “I’ll sleep with you for a meatball.” —Victor/Victoria
76. “Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.” — Bring it On
75. “What’s a nubian?” — Chasing Amy
74. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.” — Star Wars
73. “You’ve got red on you.” — Shaun of the Dead
72. “I touched the earth, and he loved me back.” — Secretary
71. “Not you, fat Jesus.” — The Hangover
70. “This pile of shit has a thousand eyes.” — Stand By Me
69. “Not the beeeees!.” — Wicker Man
68. “She’s been fucked more times than she’s had a hot meal.” — Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
67. “I can’t believe I just gave my panties to a geek.” — Sixteen Candles
66. “It’s a veg-e-ta-ble.” —My Blue Heaven
65. “Goddammit, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good! ” — War Games
64. “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?” — Grosse Pointe Blank
63. “Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.” — Pulp Fiction
62. “Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.” — Goodfellas
61. “Wolfman has nards!” — Monster Squad
60. “He’s an angel. He’s an angel straight from heaven!” — Raising Arizona
59. “Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.” — High Anxiety
58. “Somebody’s got to go back and get a shitload of dimes.” — Blazing Saddles
57. “You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!” — Spaceballs
56. “Bratwurst? Aren’t we the optimist?” —10 Things I Hate About You
55. “Sabrina, don’t just stare at it, eat it.” — American Psycho
54. “I take your fucking bullets!” - -Scarface
53. “I’m kind of a big deal.” — Anchorman
52. “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains.” — Bull Durham
51. “We deal in lead, friend.” — The Magnificent Seven
50. “I don’t know, I mostly just hurt people.” —Alien Resurrection
49. “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” — Better Off Dead
48. “All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin’.” — Chasing Amy
47. “Let’s shag ass.” —The Royal Tenenbaums
46. “That’s atomized colloidal silver. It’s being pumped through the building’s air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!” — Blade: Trinity
45. “I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone and when I find her, she’s … she’s a fish.” — Splash
44. “Demented and sad, but social.” — The Breakfast Club
43. “This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad again.” — Ghost World
42. “GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!” — The Goonies
41. “Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don’t fall out of the sky, you know.” — Dogma
40. “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.” — Anchorman
39. “Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me… please?” — From Dusk til Dawn
38. “I’m hungry. Let’s get a taco.” — Reservoir Dogs
37. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” — Night of the Living Dead
36. “Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief.” — Galaxy Quest
35. “We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26…we were of that disposition.” — High Fidelity
34. “I used to fuck guys like you in prison” — Roadhouse
33. “Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.” — Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
32. “Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they’re fascist.” — Bull Durham
31. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room! — Dr. Strangelove
30. “Shut the fuck up, Donny.” — The Big Lebowski
29. “If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep.” — The Magnificent Seven
28. “He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I’m afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died.” — Clue
27. “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.” — The Big Lebowski
26. “Meet me in Montauk.” — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
25. “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?” — Heathers
24. “That’s just the way it crumbles … cookie wise.” - The Apartment
23. “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” — The Rock
22. “Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big? — Spaceballs
21. “I aim to misbehave.” — Serenity
20. “People are so stupid I can’t bear to be around them anymore.” —Imaginary Heroes
19. “Fuck my cock!” — Wet Hot American Summer
18. “I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.” — The Big Lebowski
17. “The swan ate my baby!” — Drop Dead Gorgeous
16. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker.” — Anchorman
15. “My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.” — Annie Hall
14. “The Hammer is my penis.” — Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
13. “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.” — Almost Famous
12. “SQUIRREL!” — Up
11. “Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive.” — Airplane
10. “Inconceivable!” — The Princess Bride
9. “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” — High Fidelity
8. “My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.” — Fight Club
7. “You’re killin’ me Smalls!” — The Sandlot
6. “I was born a poor black child.” — The Jerk
5. “Ray, next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” — Ghostbusters
4. “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” — The Shawshank Redemption
3. “I want my two dollars!” — Better Off Dead
2. “Son, you got a panty on your head.” — Raising Arizona
1. “It ain’t white boy day is it?” — True Romance

The 100 Cheesiest Movie Quotes of All Time 

Friday, July 2, 2010

The 100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time

Here is a List of Movies Cited in the Above Video
0’00 - Roxanne, Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Gleaming the Cube, The Princess Bride, A Fish Called Wanda, Star Wars, The Wizard of Oz, Casino, Three Amigos, A Clockwork Orange

1’05 - Dolemite, Glengarry Glen Ross, Bad Santa, The Witches of Eastwick, The Big Lebowski, In Bruges, Full Metal Jacket, There Will Be Blood

2’05 - Toy Story, Casablanca, Encino Man, The Women, Predator, Army of Darkness, They Live, Uncle Buck, Big Trouble in Little China, New Jack City, Billy Madison

3’00 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Departed, Carlito’s Way, In the Loop, Glengarry Glen Ross, Stand By Me, Grosse Pointe Blank, Duck Soup, Caddyshack, Planes Trains & Automobiles
4’00 - South Park, Napoleon Dynamite, Mean Girls, The Breakfast Club, As Good as It Gets, The 6th Day, Step Brothers, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Full Metal Jacket, City Slickers, Road House, True Grit, Shot Circuit
5’00 - Raging Bull, The Usual Suspects, Snatch, Caddyshack, The Last Boy Scout, Ghostbusters, The Sandlot, As Good as It Gets

6’00 - 48 Hrs, In Bruges, Silver Streak, Glengarry Glen Ross, A Fish Called Wanda, Goodfellas, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The Mist, Trading Places

7’00 - The Warriors, Point Break, Gangs of New York, Reservoir Dogs, The Breakfast Club, The Cowboys, Full Metal Jacket, Dodgeball, Donnie Darko, Scarface, The Good the Bad and the Ugly

8’00 - Anchorman, Tropic Thunder, Sexy Beast, In the Loop, Get Shorty, Blazing Saddles, The Way of the Gun, Blade: Trinity, Clerks, The Boondock Saints, The Exorcist, What About Bob?, Weird Science

9’00 - Con Air, True Romance, In the Loop, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Lake Placid, The Front, Gone with the Wind

Know of anymore that should be in this list?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Random thoughts...

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Is any one else a little creeped out by the fact that Santa’s elves are watching us all right this minute?

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Nah, it’s not Tourette’s. I’m just angry sometimes.

Some people like clean jokes, but I don’t think cleanliness is a laughing matter.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

If a zombie wants to eat your brains, just order pizza instead. When it arrives, feed the pizza guy to the zombie and RUN!

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

The more of those garden gnomes you buy, the sooner they will be able to mobilize their army and destroy us all.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

Never trust someone who gives you a business card with their picture on it.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

I think the top freezer deserves a light as well.

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it... thanks Mario Kart.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with alcohol than with Kay.

Ever realize why women over 50 don't have babies? Because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

From now on I will be writing "for sensual massage" in the memo field of all of my checks.

I wish people had antlers,  because I’m sure they would make bar fights a lot more entertaining.

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "you know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

Mattress labels are commonly misunderstood. They say, “Not to be removed EXCEPT BY CONSUMER.” So if you take it off you have to eat it.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier and sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

How can we, as a nation, claim responsibility for American cheese? If we’re going to pretend it’s cheese, let’s call it Al Qaeda cheese.

Doing dishes the other night I noticed we have some Miracle Blade III knives. If they’re such a miracle, why did they redesign them twice?

I've fantasized about fighting traffic with a rocket launcher.

If you don’t like someone, wait until they are wearing purple, then stomp on them and say, “I thought you were a grape!”

Just once I want to hear a politician say, “I can neither confirm nor deny my role in a secret ninja army.”

Next time solicitors come calling, I'm going to invite them in and try to sell stuff to them.

Hope for humanity? I lost mine the day I saw a grown man pick his nose and eat it.

When you stop and really take a look around yourself, it’s amazing how many things you see that look like a butt.

If you fly past me on the open freeway, and two minutes later I fly past you, it’s because I’m using cruise control, and you’re driving like an idiot.

There comes a point where caffeine can’t keep you awake anymore and you fall into an uneasy sleep. I call that “the time I rolled the car.”

I haven’t lost my mind, I just put it away because it can’t handle what’s about to happen.

Instead of, “Take me to your leader,” I think the first thing aliens would say is, “Can I use your bathroom?”

Oh, I wasn’t ignoring you. I thought those were rhetorical questions.

There’s a chemical in turkey that makes me want to watch college football.

Sometimes it is so hard to not look both ways when crossing a one-way street.

A funny joke would be to replace your toilet paper with a lint roller. When guests complain, say, “What did you do in my washing machine?!”

I've always wanted to write “For Sale – $600 on the windows of random cars and include my senator’s home phone number.

When I hear a catchy jingle, I go buy whatever they tell me to, no questions asked. Hopefully they never advertise dog poop.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

This list was emailed to me and contains some original thoughts from
Check him out! He's a funny guy! :)