Saturday, August 29, 2009


Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, humdingers don't hum, and hammers don't ham?

Why do you recite at a play but you play at a recital?

Why is it true that a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE are the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites?

Why is QUITE A FEW the same as QUITE A LOT?

Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Why do feet smell and noses run?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why do you fill out a form by filling it in?

Why does your alarm go off by going on?

Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it's made out of BEEF?

Why does SOUR CREAM have an expiration date?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why do they call them "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?

Why do we wash BATH TOWELS - aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put SUITS in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?

Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why doesn't GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why did God give men nipples?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?


Why did the Chicken cross the Road.......

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it--the"other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like"the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only crossroads, but will also lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE W. BUSH: I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

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