Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Fruitcake & "Christmas?"

Fruitcake (or fruit cake) is a cake made with chopped candied fruit and/or dried fruit, nuts, and spices, and (optionally) soaked in spirits. In the United Kingdom, certain rich versions may be iced and decorated. Fruitcakes are often served in celebration of weddings and Christmas. Also, the phrase "fruit cake" is used metaphorically in two ways: To describe one of weak or frail characteristics that do not uphold the expectations of others; and to describe one as "off one's rocker" or as one who has "lost one's marbles".

Winter Auto Safety Tips
December 11, 2008 -- Driving in the winter means snow, sleet and ice that can lead to slower traffic, and hazardous road conditions. To help you make it safely through winter, here are some suggestions from the Great Fruitcake Recycling Project to make sure that you and your vehicle are prepared.

Everyone knows you need a shovel, jumper cables, tow and tire chains, but did you know that you should also carry fruitcake with you?

Your fruitcake essentials for winter driving:

3-4 Large Fruitcakes, with waterproof matches, to burn in lieu of flares. Because of its high alcohol content, your fruitcakes will light quickly and burn bright against the snow.

1 Bag of crumbled fruit cake to spread behind your tires if you get stuck on snow or ice. (Hint: The best crumbs come from fruitcake run through a wood chipper or industrial grinder. Your local lumber yard or grain elevator can help with this.)

Several fruitcakes, cut into slices (a table saw is handy for this task) - if your other provisions run out, having fruitcake as the food of last resort will give you the motivation to find a way out of your dilemma before you have to eat it.

Store fruitcake in the trunk of a rear-wheel drive vehicle to aid in traction. The weight of the average fruitcake will replace 1-2 sandbags, giving you more space for additional fruitcake.

A spare fruitcake can be used as a wheel chock in case you need to park on an incline.

Because of its density, the average fruitcake will burn for up to six hours, which will keep you warm, should you run out of fuel. 

The Most Hated Holiday Treat
Fruitcake: You either love it or hate it.

While very few people actually like fruitcake, everyone is familiar with this Christmas treat. But, how long have people been enjoying this holiday treat? What are some of the strange things people do with them? Find out those fun facts and many more in this holiday inspired article.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: Was Highly Thought of By the Egyptians

Fruitcakes have been enjoyed for thousands of years. In fact, Egyptians were even known to enjoy them. The Egyptians thought so much of these cakes that they put them in tombs. They thought that fruitcakes would survive the long journey to the afterlife. That concept isn't too far-fetched.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: Snacked on by Crusaders

Even Crusaders knew that fruitcakes could withstand a long journey. Not only did these cakes withstand long journeys, but they were also full of nutritious items like dried fruit and nuts. This was long before the neon green cherries and pineapple.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: Part of English Wedding Traditions

Another fun fact is that fruitcakes were the wedding cake of choice in England. Obviously, this doesn't sound like the best choice on earth. Regardless, single female wedding guests would take a piece home and place it under their pillow in hopes of dreaming of the man they would marry.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: They Get Better with Age

Many people claim that fruitcakes get better with age. Another fun fact is that they are perfectly edible as long as there is no mold on them. The only problem is that they sometimes dry out. If this happens, just soak them in alcohol or simple syrup to renew them.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: Not Favorable Among the Masses

What do you do when someone gives you a fruitcake? An outstanding 38% of people said they gave it away, making fruitcake quite possibly the most popular re-gifted item. Another 13% used it as a doorstop, while 9% threw it away. Still 28% of people ate them. But, other people have more interesting uses for this holiday treat.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: Used in Some Pretty Strange Ways
People often use fruitcakes as doorstops, but others decide to be a bit more extreme. In fact, the people of Manitou Springs, Colorado take part in the Great Fruitcake Toss. This festival features several different fruitcake contests. People see how far they can throw or hurtle this
 holiday treat, while others use fruitcakes to make little cars for a race. These are just a few of the fun activities that take place.

Fun Facts About Fruitcake: A Holiday Tradition

While there are very few people who actually enjoy fruitcake, it's still a holiday tradition. Whether you give it as a gag gift or know someone who actually enjoys it, be sure to keep the spirit of this holiday tradition alive this year.

How to Identify a Fruitcake

A Fruitcake samples holiday dinner with his/her fingers. At the last dinner function I attended a child came in from outside, dug undies out of his crack, wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and then stuck his finger in the pumpkin pie, potato salad, and sweet potato casserole. Excuse me if that is not gross! Thanks to son of a Fruitcake I didn't eat anything that day.

Fruitcakes tell the same ridiculous jokes year after year. The jokes never get any funnier and the telling never gets any better. For example, "What do you call a box full of ducks?" "A box of Qwackers."

Fruitcakes tend to pile paper plates with food. They pass on the China, "don't wanna dirty up any more dishes." Instead, they use the flimsiest paper plate. The plate crumbles just about the time Fruitcake steps on your new rug.

One Fruitcake I know sits in the corner rocking back and forth humming Christmas Carols the whole time. Try to engage the Fruitcake in conversation and he'll ask you if you want to go "a wassailing."

Instead of enjoying the traditional holiday meal, Fruitcakes enjoy bringing the most ghastly casseroles to the dinner party. Only they enjoy it. Only they eat it. They insist everyone take some of the leftovers to enjoy.

I've reused bows, boxes, and Christmas bags. I'm sure you have, too. Fruitcakes take bow salvage to the extreme. I have seen a Fruitcake dive headfirst into a 33 gallon garbage bag to salvage one, crushed, cranberry stained bow.

Fruitcakes are best kept un-sauced. Keep them away from the eggnog.

Fruitcakes like to take their turn annoying everyone at the party. If you can just endure, the Fruitcake will move on to another visitor.

Not all Fruitcakes are nuts, they've just fermented a little too long

The Great Fruitcake Recycling Project!
Featuring Fruitcake Crafts


Ever afraid that someone might somehow offend somebody somewhere, people who are politically correct and socially aware are blessing us with some changes to traditional Christmas carols (or shall we say, Holiday tunes??).

For example, one church has banned "O Little Town of Bethlehem" because it shows insensitivity to the current residents of Bethlehem.

What could be more sexist than referring to Jesus as "the newborn king?" In an effort to not offend, another church has changed the line "Hark! the herald angels sing, glory to the newborn king" to "...glory to the Christ child, bring."

Just as sexist, they say, is the Christmas carol that sings, "O come let us adore Him." So, that line (found in O Come All Ye Faithful) has been changed to "O come in adoration." Apparently it is inappropriate to refer to Jesus as a male since that alienates all women. (??)

The weirdest job has been done on the traditional 12 Days of Christmas. It has been rewritten by a church official who feels that it should reflect more social awareness. In hopes of making the song more socially relevant, he has changed it to:

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...
12 soldiers serving
11 lottery losers
10 hoodies hollering
Nine single mothers
Eight AIDS victims
Seven shoppers struggling
Six carers caring
Five repossessings
Four calling conmen
Three starving children
Two addicts shaking
And a poor homeless refugee

Now, that's catchy! Let's join hands and sing that around the Holiday tree with the kids.

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