Holiday Eating Tips

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
Please print out and carry with you in case you forget what to do.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies - Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a great holiday season!

Only in Canada - No Picking (your nose) Law

For those of you not following the news over in the Great White North I will fill you in a little bit.  Last month the ‘distracted driving’ law came into effect, where-as you will not be able to chat away on a cell phone while driving without risk of incurring a fine of up to $500.  It seems one Canadian politician wants to take it one step further!

Jim Bradlley (Ontario’s transportation minister) made this statement Thursday after telling reporters he was proud of the new legislation he helped draft and as they walked away he mentioned his plans to make this law much more encompassing in the near future.  He was quoted as saying; “Sure talking on a cell phone while driving is dangerous but there are many other activities occuring during driving that are just as dangerous if not more-so.”  “For example the other day I was almost side-swiped by a man that was completely distracted while picking his nose, and I don’t mean just a nose scratch - he was in up to his knuckle”.

There has been testing done that has shown that picking your nose while driving is even more dangerous than using a cell phone because of the high occurrences of physical injury while conducting this type of behavior.  I would like to see all types of distractions lead to a hefty fine, my advice for this particular offense would be an $850 fine.

At least one politician finds those comments worrying. “Everyone should realize there is no place this government will not go intruding into private lives,” Conservative MPP Randy Hillier said.  He went on to say, “what is next?  No eating broccoli with dinner due to the possibility of passing of gas into the atmosphere thereby increasing global warming?”

Experts have questioned the effectiveness of distracted driving laws. In other jurisdictions they have not always changed drivers’ habits. After an initial reduction in New York, for example, cellphone use was reportedly back to pre-ban rates within one year.

The insurance industry says the new law is a good first step in making distracted driving socially unacceptable.  In fact Bill Crespen of Walden’s Insurance says, “personally we would like to see all distractions result in large fines, whether it is picking your nose, applying make-up or talking on a cell phone - they can all potentially kill you”.
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Thankfully this is only in Canada not the USA

OR the UK



What about those of us that can pick our noses with our tongues?

Thanks to my friend Brooke for the pic:p
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Related story from last year:
Man bleeds to death from picking his nose too much, inquest hears (UK News)

Oh the weather outside is frightful

At these Fahrenheit temperatures:

+65 - Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.
+60 - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one).
+50 - Miami residents turn on the heat.
+45 - Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.
+40 - You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming
+35 - Italian cars don't start.
+32 - Water freezes.
+30 - You plan your vacation to Australia.
+25 - Ohio water freezes. Californians weep. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming
+20 - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther South.
+15 - French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
+10 - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
+5 - American cars don't start.
0 - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 - German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansas-ians stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist
-20 - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 - Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-30 - You plan a two week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 - Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip South.
-50 - Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80 - Hell freezes over. Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game.
-90 - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.



Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows).
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights).
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores.
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials".
6. Family coming to stay with you.
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling.
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.
3. Days off from work.
2. Candles.

1 And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas...At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!



1st Retiree: "Well, they finally arrested Hurricane Frances."
2nd Retiree: "What for?"
1st Retiree: "Littering."



Q: How did you find the weather on your vacation?
A: I just went outside and there it was.

Q: What is a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
A: Hail!

Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Foul (fowl) weather.

Q: What do a tornado, a hurricane and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to loose a house trailer.

Q: What is a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister!



Love Affair

What did the tornado say to the other tornado?
You turn me on.

What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
You make my temperature rise.

What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
I have my eye on you.

What did the lightning bolt say to the other lightning bolt?
You're shocking.

What did one tornado say to the other?
Let's twist again, like we did last summer....

Think you know all about a $1 bill?

Have a $1.00 bill handy? Look at it and prepare to be amazed.

I'm serious. Did you know a dollar bill has hidden pictures, flecks of color, and mysterious symbols? And that’s just the beginning. What do all those seemingly random letters and Latin phrases mean, anyway?

The Basics: How much is a dollar worth?

The question seems simple, but the answer is quite complex. Since 1973, the dollar bill has had no value tied to it. You cannot trade in a dollar to the government for gold, silver, or any other commodity. The value of the nation's currency is related to the decree by the government that a dollar is legal tender for all debts. This means if someone attempts to pay a debt using dollars, the person being paid must accept the money or the law no longer recognizes the debt. This is important enough that the phrase is printed on every bill the government creates.

It is also vital for the nation's citizens to agree that the bills have value. If the members of a society decided that they did not believe in the currency, it would quickly be worth no more than the paper it is printed on. For the record, each bill costs the government 6.4 cents to print.

What kind of paper are the bills made from?

Bills are made from a blend of linen and cotton, which is why they don't fall apart in the wash the way paper does. If you look closely, you can see red and blue silk fibers woven throughout the bill. The threads are thought to be an anti-counterfeit measure.

Hint: Look in the white spaces on the face of the bill for little bits of the colored thread. They look like lint but you can't scratch them off!

On the face of a dollar, what does the letter inside the circular seal mean?

The black seal with the big letter in the middle signifies the Federal Reserve bank that placed the order for the bill. A = Boston, B = New York City, C = Philadelphia, D = Cleveland, E = Richmond, Va., F = Atlanta, G = Chicago, H = St. Louis, I = Minneapolis, J = Kansas City, K = Dallas, and L = San Francisco.

The letter also corresponds to the black number that is repeated four times on the face of the bill. For example, if you have a bill from Dallas with the letter K, then the number on the bill will be 11 because K is the eleventh letter in the alphabet.

Can you find any tiny owls or spiders hidden on the front of the bill?

Many people believe they can see a tiny owl (some say it is a spider) next to the large "1" on the upper right of the bill. If you look at the shield shape that surrounds that "1," the tiny owl rests on the top left corner.

More than likely, the markings are nothing, just a point where the webbed design of the border varies. That won't stop some people from associating the peculiar detail with Masonic symbols, or with more practical things, like anti-counterfeit measures.

The Great Seal of the United States

The green back of the dollar bill features the two sides of The Great Seal of the United States. The founding fathers approved its design in 1782. Ben Franklin, John Adams, and Thomas Jefferson all had a hand in devising it. The seal provides great insight into the values of the newborn nation and, like the Constitution, provides a direct link to its formative days.




What does Annuit Coeptis mean?

The first of three Latin phrases on the back of the bill is translated as "God has favored our undertakings." Many founders, Franklin and George Washington among them, believed that God's will was behind the successful creation of the United States.

Beneath the pyramid, what does Novus Ordo Seclorum mean?

These Latin words mean "New order of the ages." Charles Thomson, a statesman involved in the design of The Great Seal of the United States, proposed the phrase to signify the beginning of what he called "the new American Era," which he said began in 1776 with the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

Why is MDCCLXXVI on the bottom of the pyramid?




The letters are Roman numerals for 1776. M is 1,000, D is 500, CC is 200, L is 50, XX is 20, VI is 6. Add the numerals on the pyramid together and you get the year 1776, when the Declaration of Independence was signed, and when the Novus Ordo Seclorum began.

Why is there an unfinished pyramid with a glowing eye?

Thomson explained the sturdy pyramid as a symbol of "strength and duration". He did not explain its unfinished state, but many believe it signified that our nation remained unfinished. The pyramid also stops at 13 steps, the number of the original colonies.

The "Eye of Providence" is a visual representation of the words Annuit Coeptis, and reinforces the founders' notion that God looked upon the endeavor of the new nation with favor. Many theorists mistakenly believe the symbolism of the eye is related to the Freemasons (a secret society whose members believed they were under the careful scrutiny of God), but the symbolism of the glowing eye is far older than any Freemason thinking. Scholars have traced versions of the symbol as far back as the ancient Egyptians.

What does E Pluribus Unum mean?

"Out of many, one." The 13 disparate colonies came together to form one nation.

Why a bald eagle? The founders wanted an animal native to America to be the new nation's symbol. In its talons the eagle holds arrows and olive branches, signifying war and peace.




Fun activities you and the kids can do with a dollar bill.

Track your bills. Go to the website Where's George? and enter the serial number of the bill. If the bill has been in circulation long enough, you might be able to see where your bill has been as it travels from wallets to registers and back. After you enter your bills, check back later to see where they have gone.

Play dollar-bill poker. Each of you takes a dollar bill and examines the green serial numbers as if they were a hand of playing cards. Make your best poker hand and see who wins.

Stress Test. Are you stressed?

With the holidays just around the corner here's a great tool to help you tell if you're stressed or not.

I'm not  sure exactly how this works, but it is amazingly accurate.  

Read  the full description before looking at the picture.

The  picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it.  It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's  Hospital.

Look at  both dolphins jumping out of the water.  The dolphins are identical.

A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.

The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that  person is experiencing.

Look at  the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation.


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No Need to Reply, I'll  be on Vacation

Never take life seriously.   
Nobody gets out alive anyway.