Just plain useless
The internets first page
SnapBubbles.com - Virtual Bubble Wrap
Hell: Visit Hell
What does your phone number spell?
Shutdown the Internet
Ironic Sans: Terrorist organization logos
Most Unfortunate Logos ever
The End of the Internet
Some links to waste time
What troubles you? Type a question and find out.
Improbable Research
Hundreds of jigsaw puzzles you can do online.
Listen to calm, relaxing sounds such as a beach, a waterfall, a sleeping baby, animals, and many more.
Woman savers: Catch a cheater
Read the Murphys Laws website
LikeCOOL - Coolest Gadget Magazine.
Some quizzes to pass the time.
Queendom: More tests than you can shake a browser at
The original online IQ test.
Tickle (previously Emode) quizzes and tests.
Find out the probability of a successful relationship between two people based on their names and birthdays.
Quizzes - The Oatmeal
Funny links
The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Funny Jokes and Dirty Jokes
CollegeHumor - Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links!
The funny name server
FML: Your everyday life stories
Texts from last night
Book of Odds - The Odds of Everyday Life
Just plain wrong pictures
Why the f*ck do you have a kid?
The people of Walmart
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Useless facts
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
The American Dental Association recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
American car horns beep in the tone of F.
No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Now you know why us Men are from Mars!)
The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
** Pearls melt in vinegar
** It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
** Thirty-Five percent of the people who use personal ads for datingare already married.
** The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: MARLBORO, COCA-COLA, and BUDWEISER, in that order.
** It's possible to lead a cow upstairs. . .but not downstairs.
** Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
** Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
** The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
** Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the lefthand.
** No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
** "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
** Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
** A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
** The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
** The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (thus the name of the Don McLean song)
** Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
** 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
** Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "To get fired."
** Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
** Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
** An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
** The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
** The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
** The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
** Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
** If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
** No NFL team which play its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
** The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
** The mask use by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" movie was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
** If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
The American Dental Association recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
American car horns beep in the tone of F.
No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Now you know why us Men are from Mars!)
The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
** Pearls melt in vinegar
** It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
** Thirty-Five percent of the people who use personal ads for datingare already married.
** The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: MARLBORO, COCA-COLA, and BUDWEISER, in that order.
** It's possible to lead a cow upstairs. . .but not downstairs.
** Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
** Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
** The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
** Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the lefthand.
** No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
** "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
** Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
** A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
** The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
** The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (thus the name of the Don McLean song)
** Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
** 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
** Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "To get fired."
** Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
** Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
** An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
** The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
** The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
** The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
** Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
** If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
** No NFL team which play its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
** The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
** The mask use by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" movie was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
** If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Sexual lulz (IMG Heavy)
Sexual lulz
Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
Ate something.
How can you tell a head nurse?
She’s the one with the dirty knees!
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It’s not hard.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin’ off.
How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.
How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
At the circus, the clowns don’t talk.
---
Motivations
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don’t do dick.
---
Inappropriate Products For Kids
The keywords on the box read "Interesting," "Flash," and "Up and Down," which sound like they were written by the happiest pedophile in playland.
-
That baby doesn't need shaving, it needs to be returned to the elfdom from whence it came.
-
"Something for the evening" for your infant stripper-to-be aged 0-12 months. "Show Grandma how you twirl 'em!"
-
I don't think these are Webkinz.
-
Spanish toymaker Berjuan released a doll that allows children to "breast-feed" their babies. A girl wears a special halter top with flowers instead of nipples that cause the baby to make sucking sounds and move its mouth. The tagline for the toy reads, "Because you shouldn't have to wait until you have breasts before you start breastfeeding your baby." Actually, yeah, you should.
---
Typical male thinking, Grrr!
How to Increase Your Chances of Getting Laid by 100 Percent
Three words to ruin a man’s ego…
“Is it in?”
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
Miracle whip.
What’s a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
All it takes is one prick and its all over.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
---
Kitties!Lulz!
---
Ohh yeah!
Best Tee Shirt EVER!
Yes I'm random ;)
Murphy's Laws On Love and Sex
"Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy."
"I won't come in your mouth, I promise."
"I'm not really married."
"It's only a cold sore."
"Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality."
"Size isn't important."
"This won't hurt, I promise."
"We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other."
"We'll always be together."
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
All the good ones are taken.
Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant
Do it only with the best.
Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
If the person isn't taken, there's a reason (corollary to the above law)
If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
It is always the wrong time of month.
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the
trouble in the garden.
Love comes in spurts.
Love is a hole in the heart.
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Love is the delusion that one man or woman differs from another.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
Never argue with a women when she's tired, or rested.
Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
Never say no.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Nice guys finish last.
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll
never be quite the same again.
No sex with anyone in the same office.
Nothing improves with age.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
Sex has no calories.
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to
convey its full meaning.
Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; then on Sunday, pray for crop failure.
The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
The best things in the world are free - and worth every penny of it.
The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her
with no hard feelings.
The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
The younger the better.
There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless in the mood.
Virginity can be cured.
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him, and vice versa...
When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
and Murphy's number one law on love and sex: Don't fuck with Mrs. Murphy!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Chinese Proverbs
Hope you enjoy these. I thought they got funnier as it proceeded.
CHINESE PROVERBS..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determin e who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
CHINESE PROVERBS..
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determin e who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Fortune cookie sayings
Top rejected fortune cookie sayings
"What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?"
"Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops."
"Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt."
"Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."
"Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids."
"Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."
"Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."
"Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."
---
"dot com"
Example: "Among the lucky, you are the chosen one... dot com!"
Ideal Extension User: webmasters, programmers, 15-year olds
Variations: "dot org", "dot net", "dot mil", "dot edu", or any country code you'd like.
"in the Nam"
Example: "Many receive advice, only the wise profit by it... in the Nam!"
Ideal Extension User: Men with soft girlie hands, 15-year olds
Variations: "in the shit", "in the trenches
"over my dead body!"
Example: "Your future is as boundless as the lofty sky... over my dead body!"
Ideal Extension User: cranks, people either set in their ways or distrustful of anything with a Chinese background, 15-year olds
Variations: "as if!", "not!", "what the Hell?!?"
---
Sayings
He who hesitates is last.
Your heart is a place to draw true happiness.
How you look depends on where you go.
To open your doors to the future - open them for others.
If you don't run, you won't trip, but you may never get there.
Remember to say thank you.
Be careful of what you wish for, you may get it.
People know when you're letting them win.
Every piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit gets you closer to finding the one that does.
You are never selfish with your advice or your help.
The first step to better times is to imagine them.
Ideas are like children; there are none so wonderful as your own.
There is a true and sincere friendship between your and your friends.
There is yet time enough for you to take a different path.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Trust your intuition. The universe is guiding your life.
It doesn't matter. Who is without a flaw?
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
It is much wiser to take advice than to give it.
It takes more than good memory to have good memories.
People are attracted by your delicate features.
Many a false step is made by standing still.
You make people realize there exist other beauties in the world.
You have an unusually magentic personality.
A thrilling time is in your immediate future.
You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth .
You will be wise not to seek too much from others.
You will have a very pleasant experience.
You should be able to make money and hold on to it.
The skills you have gathered will one day come in handy.
A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you.
You have a keen sense of humour and love a good time.
Every excess becomes a vice.
Be direct, usually one can accomplish more that way.
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
Keep in close touch with what your competition is doing.
You will take a chance in something in the near future.
---More fortunes
Your skill will accomplish what the force of many cannot.
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
Every friend joys in your success.
You can always find happiness at work on Friday.
All your hard work will soon pay off.
Your blessing is no more than being safe and sound for the whole lifetime.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Do not mistake temptation for opportunity
Many ideals are becoming real.
Plan for many pleasures ahead.
The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days.
Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later.
Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before.
You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands to.
There is a prospect of a thrilling time ahead for you.
You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands to.
Something you lost will soon turn up.
Decide what you want and go for it.
German proverb: No trees ever reach the sky.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherever you go!
You will have gold pieces by the bushel.
A pleasant surprise is in store for you.
May life throw you a pleasant curve.
As the purse is emptied the heart is filled.
Be mischievous and you will not be lonesome.
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
Put the data you have uncovered to beneficial use.
Your flair for the creative takes an important place in your life.
Your artistic talents win the approval and applause of others.
Pray for what you want, but work for the things you need.
Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you.
Your great attention to detail is both a blessing and a curse.
Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later.
You will witness a special ceremony.
You will step on the soil of many countries.
Your past success will be overshadowed by your future success.
When you speak honestly and openly, others truly listen to you.
Skill comes from diligence.
Don't forget, you are always on our minds.
Your greatest fortune is the large number of friends you have.
A firm friendship will prove the foundation on your success in life.
Don't ask, don't say. Everything lies in silence.
Look for new outlets for your own creative abilities.
Don't forget to do good deeds as you accumulate wealth.
Keep your plans secret for now.
One who admires you greatly is hidden before your eyes.
Smiling often can make you look and feel younger.
Someone is speaking well of you.
The greatest danger could be your stupidity.
The one you love is closer than you think.
The time is right to make new friends.
You are talented in many ways.
You will be fortunate in everything you put your hands to.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Consolidate rather than expand business projects in the near future.
Delay is the antidote for anger.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Get ready! Good fortune comes in bunches.
Grand adventures await those who are willing to turn the corner.
Happy news is on its way to you.
He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.
Honesty and integrity are just some of your best attributes.
If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
A secret admirer will soon send you a sign of affection.
Your money worries are over! Your new job will bring you a huge increase in income.
You are talented in many ways.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition. Ouch!!!
Be prepared to accept a wondrous opportunity in the days ahead!
Fame, riches and romance are yours for the asking.
Good luck is the result of good planning.
Good things are being said about you.
Your life will be happy and peaceful.
A friend is a present you give yourself.
A good time to finish up old tasks.
A member of your family will soon do something that will make you proud.
A quiet evening with friends is the best tonic for a long day.
A single kind word will keep one warm for years.
Anger begins with folly, and ends with regret.
Any rough times are behind you.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise and balance.
If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted.
Let there be magic in you smile and firmness in your handshake.
Love is the only medicine for a broken heart.
Nature, time and patience are the three best physicians.
Never be dumb, eat smart.
None of the secrets of success will work unless you do.
Our first and last love...is self love.
Stiff on opinions, always in the wrong.
Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
The beginning of wisdom is to desire it.
The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected.
Ignore all previous fortunes. Muhahaha!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Don't piss off the pizza delivery guy & General pizza facts
Things Your Pizza Delivery Guy Won't Tell You
My other line is ringing, so choose the toppings before you call. Remember: It's a pizza, not a lifetime commitment.
We know when kids are prank-calling us. They can't mask their voices very well. The smart ones block the phone number. The dumb ones don't.
If I drop your pizza on the way, sometimes I'll shake the box to get the cheese to slide back on right.
Patience, please. It takes about 20 minutes to go from raw dough to fully baked pizza. And then I have to drive to your house
In some neighborhoods, a kid getting out of a car with a pizza in his hands is like screaming, "Rob me! I have cash!" That's why we won't deliver to some neighborhoods.
When you see me drenched and shivering in the rain, it's not nice to close the door in my face while you search for some quarters in the sofa cushions.
When you open the door, please hang up your cell phone or put it down. It's basic etiquette.
I'd prefer that you have a shirt on (and definitely some pants).
Tips should be 10 to 15 percent of your order. If you order a lot of pizza—say, hundreds of dollars' worth, for a party or something—but give me a $1 tip, well, I'm going to have a problem with that.
The more gated the community, the more guarded the wallet. The best tips actually come from middle- and lower-class people who know what we go through.
I remember every customer who doesn't tip. I won't do anything to jeopardize my job, but shaking the soda on the next delivery would not be out of the question.
I'll knock on your door three times and call you on the phone twice. If you don't answer, don't call later to complain that you didn't get your food. I can't wait forever.
A guy once ordered pizza from me just so he'd have some help moving his sofa up a flight of stairs. I agreed to help him. He gave me a few extra bucks. I took it.
Telling me your address is just the first step. Making sure the number is on your house or mailbox is kind of important too.
We have some fantastic customers and some who are just terrible. But I'll deliver to them all—this is what I do.
Many delivery drivers are teenage boys, and most parents don't like their teenage boys driving around at night in downpours or blizzards. Yet these same people have no qualms about having other teenage kids deliver their pizza in these conditions.
There are always "special customers," like the little old lady who wants to pay her bill with a $5 check. I’ll take it because none of us want to be mean to a grandmother. But if she hasn't ordered from us before, I won’t take it.
We act like we really want to have a conversation with you at your door, but we don't, unless we know you. Basically, we just want to get the delivery over with.
I can reel off the addresses of all the customers who don't tip. (Yes, we remember!) I also know all the good tippers and will treat them and their food accordingly.
I will try to be as nice to you as possible. But if you complain that I'm late, or if you have a problem with your order, I won’t be so nice.
The majority of our employees work 12-14 hours a day. At the end of the day, we just want to go home. So please don't call for a delivery at closing time and then complain that we can't accommodate you.
At our shop, we use our own cars to deliver pizza. Last week one of our guys smashed his car into a pole on an icy road. Now he's using a rental car.
I'm one of the easiest people to get along with. But if you're rude to me, I have no problem going toe-to-toe with you.
Don't jump in the shower right after you order pizza and then not the answer the door. I can't wait much longer than a few minutes.
If you live across the street, please don’t call for a delivery. Get off your rear end and pick up the pizza yourself.
I probably break a speeding law once a day.
After I leave this job, I'm sure I won’t be able to eat pizza for at least a year.
The majority of customers who stand there chatting about the weather are just trying to make up for not giving us tips.
You ordered the pizza. You know how much it costs. Please have your money (and tip) ready when you answer the door.
I don't have the authority to give you a discount. Really, I don't. I'm just the delivery guy.
Sources: Anonymous pizza delivery people in New York, North Carolina, and Pennsylvania.
From Reader's Digest - April 2009
Did You Know?...
Pizza Facts:
* The people of America eat around 350 slices of pizza each second, or 100 acres per day.
* Each year, pizza is a $30 billion industry.
* In the U.S., there are about 61,269 pizza parlors.
* Everyone in the United States eats about 23 lbs., or 46 slices, every year.
* Each year in the United States, 3 billion pizzas are sold.
* In America, the most popular ethnic food is Italian.
* Children ages 3-11 prefer pizza over all other foods for lunch and dinner, according to a recent Gallup Poll.
* 36 percent of all pizza orders want their pizza topping pepperoni.
* We consume around 251,770,000 pounds of pepperonis every year.
* A few popular pizzas toppings are: Mushrooms, Extra cheese, Sausage, Green Pepper, and Onion.
* In the list of most popular pizza toppings in America, the last one is anchovies.
* New gourmet pizza toppings have rapidly became popular. Some of those toppings include: Chicken, Oysters, Crayfish, Dandelions, Sprouts, Eggplant, Cajun Shrimp, Artichoke Hearts, Venison, Duck, Canadian-Style Bacon and Tuna.
* Pizza Facts Practically every kind of pizza topping has been tried by pizza chefs, some of those toppings being peanut butter and jelly, bacon and eggs, and mashed potatoes.
* Americans prefer meat toppings to veggie toppings by a ratio of 62 to 100. Women order twice as much vegetable toppings than men.
* Some popular pizza toppings in Japan are squid and Mayo Jaga (mayonaise, potato and bacon).
* In India they like pickled ginger, minced mutton and tofu. The people of Brazil prefer green peas for their topping. Russians serve pizza covered in mockba (a mix of sardines, tuna, mackeral, salmon and onions.)
General Sales and Consumption Statistics: Pizza Facts
* There are approximately 61,269 pizzerias in the United States. (Source: American Business Lists, Omaha, Nebraska)
* Men wearing muscle shirts when answering the door order pepperoni three times more than any other kind of pizza. (San Jose Mercury News, Food Section, 1/11/95 )
* Italian food ranks as the most popular ethnic food in America. (National Restaurant Association)
* There are over 9,000 pizzeria's in New York alone. (The Tony Modica Pizza Dance Foundation)
* 94% of the population of the U.S. eats pizza. (Source: Parade Magazine)
* Approximately 3 BILLION pizzas are sold in the U.S. each year...pizza fact.
* Americans eat approximately 100 acres of pizza EACH DAY, or about 350 slices per second.
* October is National Pizza Month. It was first so designated in 1987.
* Pizzerias represent 17% of all restaurants. (Source: Food Industry News)
* 93% of Americans eat AT LEAST one pizza per month. (Source: Bolla Wines)
* Each man, woman and child in America eats and average of 46 slices, (23 pounds), of pizza per year. (Source: Packaged Facts, New York)
* Saturday night is the biggest night of the week for eating pizza.
* Three of the top 10 weeks of pizza consumption occur in January. Another pizza fact: More pizza is consumed during Super Bowl week than any other week of the year. (Source: Kraft Foods, Northfield, Ill.)
U.S. Toppings: Pizza Facts
* Pepperoni is America's favorite topping, (36% of all pizza orders). We eat approximately 251,770,000 pounds of Pepperoni per year. Other popular pizza toppings are, mushrooms, extra cheese, sausage, green pepper and onions.
* Gourmet toppings are gaining ground in some areas of the country such as chicken, oysters, crayfish, dandelions, sprouts, eggplant, Cajun shrimp, artichoke hearts and tuna. More recent trends include game meats such as venison, duck and Canadian bacon.
* Pizza makers have tried virtually every type of topping on pizza including peanut butter & jelly, bacon & eggs, and mashed potatoes.
* Mozzarella cheese represents 30% of total cheese output. Production of Italian cheeses such as mozzarella, provolone, ricotta, parmesan and romano by U.S. cheese makers more than doubled between 1980 and 1992, (from 688.6 MILLION pounds per year to nearly 2 BILLION pounds per year. (Source: Cheese Market News)
* Cheesy pizza fact: Manufacturers' sales of pizza cheese should top $32 BILLION by 2004. U.S. per capita consumption of mozzarella cheese was 7.93 pounds in 1994 and is predicted to reach 12.51 pounds by 2004. (Source: Business Trend Analysts, BTA)
* 62% of Americans prefer meat toppings on their pizza, while 38% prefer vegetarian toppings. (Source: Bolla Wines)
* Barbeque pizza emerged as one of the more popular pizza variations in a 1994 study by the National Restaurant Association. Nearly 33% of menus offered some form of this dish. Other popular variations were Mexican pizza, five-cheese combos, cheeseless pies and traditional Italian pizzas such as Margherita, Florentine and New Potato Pizzas. (Source: NRA)
* Anchovies are Americans' least favorite topping.
World-Wide Toppings: Pizza Facts
* Some of the more popular international toppings are pickled ginger, minced mutton and tofu in India; squid and Mayo Jaga (mayonnaise, potato and bacon) in Japan; and green peas in Brazil. In Russia, they serve pizza covered with mockba; a combination of sardines, tuna, mackerel, salmon and onions. In France, a popular combo is called the Flambee with bacon, onion, and fresh cream. (Source: Domino's)
* Around the world, toppings vary greatly, reflecting regional tastes and preferences. In Japan, for instance, eel and squid are favorites. In Pakistan, curry is a big seller. In Russia, red herring is the topping of choice. Australians enjoy shrimp and pineapple as well as barbeque toppings on their pies. Costa Ricans favor coconut. (Source: Numero Uno Pizzeria)
* Vegetables for pizza toppings in Iceland are grown in greenhouses because of the lava terrain there. (Source: Domino's)
* In the Netherlands, the "Double Dutch" is a favorite pizza recipe: double cheese, double onions, and double beef. (Source: Domino's)
* In Saudi Arabia, all meat toppings must be 100% beef. Pork products are not consumed in the country. (Source: Domino's.)
More:
Waiters and pizza delivery drivers make about $2 to $5 an hour, plus tips.
On an average night, a driver travels 75 to 100 miles on deliveries, averaging four solid hours of drive-time mostly on residential streets. That amounts to 25,000 miles in one year!
A Dominoes pizza delivery man recently formed the nation's first pizza delivery drivers' union
Happy 4/20 BTW ;)
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Human facts
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete!
One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!
Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 M.P.H.!
The average American/Canadian will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year!
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television!
It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a certain church in Omaha, Nebraska!
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!
In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow!
About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30!
Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe!
Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can help you lose weight.
A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there, though!
The average person laughs 13 times a day!
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!
A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years! Wow!
Americans eat about 35,000 cookies in a lifetime!
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones!
Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!
The pulse rate for adult males is about 70-72 per minute and 78-82 per minute for adult females. The rate can increase to as much as 200 per minute during violent exercise!
Every human body is naturally radioactive. It is so, since the body contains a little amount of the radioactive isotope Potassium-40 and Carbon-14, which is absorbed by living organisms from atmosphere!
Nerve impulses-to and from the brain, travel as fast as some racing cars. The fastest impulses recorded have travelled at nearly 290 km/hr!
The focusing muscles of the eye move about 100,000 times a day. To give the leg muscle the same exercise would involve at least 80 km (50 miles) walking a day!
The retina inside the eye covers about 650 square millimeters and contains some 137 million light sensitive cells besides 130 million rod cells for black and white vision, and 7 million cone cells for colour vision!
If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth!
You can see a candle flame from 50 Kilometers on a clear, dark night!
You can hear the tick of a watch from 6 meters in very quiet conditions!
You can taste one gram of salt in 500 liters of water (.0001M)!
You can detect one drop of perfume diffused throughout a three-room apartment!
You can detect the wing of a bee falling on your cheek from a height of one centimeter!
Only about 10 percent of the air in the lungs is actually changed with each cycle of inhaling and exhaling when an at-rest person is breathing, but up to 80 percent can be exchanged during deep breathing or strenuous exercise!
Tooth enamel is the hardest substance manufactured by the human body!
In the second it takes to turn the page of a book, you will lose about 3 million red blood cells!
During that same second, your bone marrow will have produced the same number of new ones!
Turkana tribesmen, who live on the barren soils of the Great Rift Valley in Kenya, add iron to their diet by drinking cow's blood they puncture the cow's jugular vein with a sharp arrow and catch the spurting liquid in a clay jug. The cows, though bled frequently, suffer no ill effect!
The epidermis, the outermost layer of the skin, sheds itself at a rate of about a million cells every 40 minutes!
The average square inch of skin holds 650 sweat glands, 20 blood vessels, 60,000 melanocytes (pigment cells), and more than a thousand nerve endings!
The rush of air produced by a cough moves at a speed approaching 600 miles per hour!
The brain reaches its maximum weight at age 20 - about 3 pounds. Over the next 60 years, as billions of nerve cells die within the brain, it loses about 3 ounces. The brain begins to lose cells at a rate of 50,000 per day by the age of 30!
Between ages 30 and 70, a nose may lengthen and widen by as much as half an inch and the ears may be a quarter-inch longer - due to the fact that cartilage is one of the few tissues that continue to grow as we age!
The pituitary gland - responsible for producing the hormone that regulates growth - is only the size of a pea and weighs little more than a small paper clip!
The sound of a snore (up to 69 decibels) can be almost as loud as a pneumatic drill (70-90 decibels)!
Women's hair is about half the diameter of men's hair!
If an average man never shaved in his lifetime then his beard would grow 27.5 feet!
Human brain consumes around one-fifth of the food we consume!
A human brain is composed of 80% water!
The tallest-ever human (a man) measured is 272 cm in height!
The shortest-ever human (a woman) measured 61 cm in height!
Tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body!
You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206!
One quarter of the bones in your body, are in your feet!
Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!
The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!
Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!
A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 M.P.H.!
The average American/Canadian will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year!
One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television!
It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a certain church in Omaha, Nebraska!
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone!
In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow!
About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30!
Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe!
Smelling bananas and/or green apples (smelling, not eating) can help you lose weight.
A hard working adult sweats up to 4 gallons per day. Most of the sweat evaporates before a person realizes it's there, though!
The average person laughs 13 times a day!
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!
A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years! Wow!
Americans eat about 35,000 cookies in a lifetime!
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different!
Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
More people use blue toothbrushes, than red ones!
Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!
The pulse rate for adult males is about 70-72 per minute and 78-82 per minute for adult females. The rate can increase to as much as 200 per minute during violent exercise!
Every human body is naturally radioactive. It is so, since the body contains a little amount of the radioactive isotope Potassium-40 and Carbon-14, which is absorbed by living organisms from atmosphere!
Nerve impulses-to and from the brain, travel as fast as some racing cars. The fastest impulses recorded have travelled at nearly 290 km/hr!
The focusing muscles of the eye move about 100,000 times a day. To give the leg muscle the same exercise would involve at least 80 km (50 miles) walking a day!
The retina inside the eye covers about 650 square millimeters and contains some 137 million light sensitive cells besides 130 million rod cells for black and white vision, and 7 million cone cells for colour vision!
If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth!
You can see a candle flame from 50 Kilometers on a clear, dark night!
You can hear the tick of a watch from 6 meters in very quiet conditions!
You can taste one gram of salt in 500 liters of water (.0001M)!
You can detect one drop of perfume diffused throughout a three-room apartment!
You can detect the wing of a bee falling on your cheek from a height of one centimeter!
Only about 10 percent of the air in the lungs is actually changed with each cycle of inhaling and exhaling when an at-rest person is breathing, but up to 80 percent can be exchanged during deep breathing or strenuous exercise!
Tooth enamel is the hardest substance manufactured by the human body!
In the second it takes to turn the page of a book, you will lose about 3 million red blood cells!
During that same second, your bone marrow will have produced the same number of new ones!
Turkana tribesmen, who live on the barren soils of the Great Rift Valley in Kenya, add iron to their diet by drinking cow's blood they puncture the cow's jugular vein with a sharp arrow and catch the spurting liquid in a clay jug. The cows, though bled frequently, suffer no ill effect!
The epidermis, the outermost layer of the skin, sheds itself at a rate of about a million cells every 40 minutes!
The average square inch of skin holds 650 sweat glands, 20 blood vessels, 60,000 melanocytes (pigment cells), and more than a thousand nerve endings!
The rush of air produced by a cough moves at a speed approaching 600 miles per hour!
The brain reaches its maximum weight at age 20 - about 3 pounds. Over the next 60 years, as billions of nerve cells die within the brain, it loses about 3 ounces. The brain begins to lose cells at a rate of 50,000 per day by the age of 30!
Between ages 30 and 70, a nose may lengthen and widen by as much as half an inch and the ears may be a quarter-inch longer - due to the fact that cartilage is one of the few tissues that continue to grow as we age!
The pituitary gland - responsible for producing the hormone that regulates growth - is only the size of a pea and weighs little more than a small paper clip!
The sound of a snore (up to 69 decibels) can be almost as loud as a pneumatic drill (70-90 decibels)!
Women's hair is about half the diameter of men's hair!
If an average man never shaved in his lifetime then his beard would grow 27.5 feet!
Human brain consumes around one-fifth of the food we consume!
A human brain is composed of 80% water!
The tallest-ever human (a man) measured is 272 cm in height!
The shortest-ever human (a woman) measured 61 cm in height!
Tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body!
You're born with 300 bones, but when you get to be an adult, you only have 206!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Awesome deep fried foods!
Are you fond of deep-fried foods like chicken, french fries, corn dogs and doughnuts?
Here are some of the most delectable deep-fried delights, with links to recipes so you can experience these tasty treats for yourself! Try some and let me know what you think.
Twinkies
Oreos
Chocolate chip cookie dough
Cheesecake
Brownies
Mars Bars Same thing for Snickers etc bars
Cadbury Creme Eggs
Pop-tarts
Apples
Bananas
Peaches
Strawberries
Macapuno (shredded coconut)
Olives
Corn
Macaroni & cheese
Cheese curds
Dill pickles
Pizza
Cheeseburgers
Spam
Eggs
Tofu
Jam sandwiches
Ice cream
Coca-Cola
(Some links have been updated because I recieved an email saying a few of the links no longer work)
Also added:
Deep-fried White Castle cheeseburger
Here are some of the most delectable deep-fried delights, with links to recipes so you can experience these tasty treats for yourself! Try some and let me know what you think.
Twinkies
Oreos
Chocolate chip cookie dough
Cheesecake
Brownies
Mars Bars Same thing for Snickers etc bars
Cadbury Creme Eggs
Pop-tarts
Apples
Bananas
Peaches
Strawberries
Macapuno (shredded coconut)
Olives
Corn
Macaroni & cheese
Cheese curds
Dill pickles
Pizza
Cheeseburgers
Spam
Eggs
Tofu
Jam sandwiches
Ice cream
Coca-Cola
(Some links have been updated because I recieved an email saying a few of the links no longer work)
Also added:
Deep-fried White Castle cheeseburger
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