Whys?!

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, humdingers don't hum, and hammers don't ham?

Why do you recite at a play but you play at a recital?

Why is it true that a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE are the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites?

Why is QUITE A FEW the same as QUITE A LOT?

Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Why do feet smell and noses run?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why do you fill out a form by filling it in?

Why does your alarm go off by going on?

Why is it called a HAMBURGER, when it's made out of BEEF?

Why does SOUR CREAM have an expiration date?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
     
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
     
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
     
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why do they call them "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a PIG is dead, to "CURE" it?

Why do we wash BATH TOWELS - aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put SUITS in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?

Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
     
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
     
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why doesn't GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Why is it that we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why did God give men nipples?

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?

Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?





Why did the Chicken cross the Road.......

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it--the"other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like"the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only crossroads, but will also lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE W. BUSH: I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

Bull Mating

(Email Fwd)

My wife and I went to the Durham cattle show recently and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls.

We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR".

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said,
'He mated 50 times last year.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR."

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW, that's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR."

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable
and I should eventually make a full recovery.

(Watch what you say to women or you'll be sorry!)

Finally!!!

I finally reached the pot at the end of the rainbow!!!












Heh!

Homeless guys with signs.

Driving to my dads house I noticed a homeless guy with a sign standing on the freeway entrance ramp. Since I was getting off the freeway I wasn't too close to him, but I did read his sign, "Homeless. Will work for money and food". A few hours later driving back from my dads I was stopped at the light near the freeway and I saw the same guy change out of his destroyed looking jacket into a nice looking long wool one, then climbed up into the drivers side a parked HUMMER right on the side of the road. It just irked me so bad. Was he begging for gas money to pay for that Hummer? Was he using all of his money to pay for that gas guzzler and had nothing left afterward to buy food? There's homeless people out there who would sleep in a car with no wheels just to be out of the cold wind. Homeless people with out 1 jacket, let alone 2! This guy was just totally unbelievable.

So, I came home and started looking up homelessness stats etc. Too depressing to repost but I did find some humor in my research. Being homeless is definitely not funny, but some of those poor people still have sense of humor...

Have you ever seen any amusing homeless signs or know of anyone pretending to be homeless but isn't?

20 Things That Happen in 1 Minute

Interesting facts gathered in one big picture. Take a look!

Radio Active 1985 Plymouth Colt for sale

Scott’s 1985 Plymouth Colt can simply be described as HAM radio heaven. He has mounted HAM radios, police scanners and other video devices all throughout his vehicle and it’s really quite amazing how he can still find his way around them when he just needs to drive it.

The HAM radio enthusiast says it’s amazing what you can listen to when you’re inside his Radio Active Colt, but I fail to see how you can actually listen to anything when all those things are turned on. According to one of the photos I found the 1985 Colt sells for just $500 while the HAM equipment is worth $25,000.

















Now why and how could someone spend this much money, and also time and effort doing this to a car only worth this much? Muchless the time, effort and money doing this at all?!~

Etch-A-Sketch Artist

The Etch-A-Sketch® Art of Jeff Gagliardi

With almost 35 years experience in Etch-A-Sketch Art, Jeff Gagliardi is known as one of the original, and still one of the best, Etch-A-Sketch artists.

Believe it or not, Jeff never had an Etch-A-Sketch when he was a kid. The first time he seriously tried to draw anything on an Etch-A-Sketch was when he was a college student (at the School of Visual Arts in New York) and was playing with an Etch-A-Sketch that belonged to his nephew.

“I did a drawing of the Taj Mahal complete with reflecting pools. Quite frankly, I didn’t think it was a big deal, but my family wouldn’t let me erase it. From that point on it became apparent that I had some sort of gift for drawing on this silly little toy — people would walk past the serious work I was doing as a painter and want to see the Etch-A-Sketches”.

That was all in the early 1970’s. Since then he’s created countless sketches and continues to enjoy fame and success as an Etch-A-Sketch artist.

See more @ jeffsketch.com

-

Pretty neat eh?

Some funny icons

Another folder from my myspace albums:

Save the Earth! Pee in the shower!

 In one of the stranger save-the-Earth campaigns, a Brazilian environmental group asked people to save water by peeing in the shower -- a move that could save 1,000 gallons of water annually, or so the group claimed in public service announcements.


Sometimes the best way to get people fired up about a cause—be it environmental, political, or anything else—is to get them angry. But instead of trying to piss citizens off, a Brazilian environmental group is trying to get the country’s residents to, well, urinate in the shower.
The group says that if a single household flushed the toilet just one fewer times a day, it would save a whopping 1,157 gallons of water each year. The organization has even come out with a video (see below) touting the idea. Urine is sterile, so peeing in the shower is harmless (except if someone has a disease that can be transmitted through their pee, such as hepatitis).
The AP reports:

The spot features cartoon drawings of people from all walks of life – a trapeze artist, a basketball player, even an alien – urinating in the shower.
Narrated by children’s voices, the ad ends with: “Pee in the shower! Save the Atlantic rainforest!”

 Here's the video:



Woah, wtf?

A Dispute Between Neighbors

DISPUTE BETWEEN NEIGHBORS…………
A city councilman in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built a new home.
The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance.
The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home.
Mark didn’t like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate.
When they went to Mark’s home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found…


The City Council said the vents could stay since there are no ordinances referring to shutter design.


---

I've often thought about doing something to this effect. The neighbors at my moms house are complete assholes. I've tried being nice, saying hi, waving but they completely ignore me. Then at 2, 3, 4 in the morning they like to walk through my moms yard. Often leaving litter laying around such a beer and liquor containers, cigarette packs and other garbage. Not only that but they are loud. Wake everyone in the house up with the yelling and cussing going on. I'd need 2 middle fingers to show the people on either side of my moms (Oh did I mention they are best friends with eachother too?) house how we all feel here!

More about the bacon...

Continued from yesterdays blog: 6 Reasons Bacon is Better Than True Love

Last night my older brother Chris and I were talking about bacon flavored products when expressed how much he wanted to try some of them being the bacon lover he is. So I decided to make another blog dedicated to BACON! and some weird bacon products I've found on the interweb.

Bacon Gumballs
 
Novelty candy retailer Archie McPhee produces some of the wackiest bacon products around. Bacon-flavored gumballs, mints, and jelly beans all included.

Bacon chocolate bar
 
Since many people love bacon and chocolate Vosges has answered their prayers. The gourmet chocolatier managed to incorporate applewood bacon into chocolate bars ranging from milk to 62% dark. I like to think of them as a bar for every mood. But the secret to the smokiness in this baby isn't the bacon, it's the extra punch from alderwood-smoked salt.

Bacon Mayonnaise

Take two wacky social media whizzes, fly them to Miami, add some alcohol, and what do you get? Bacon Salt. That's pretty much how Justin Esch and Dave Lefkow came up with their first bacon product. The second, Baconnaise, was the answer to their fans' demands for a spreadable bacon.

Bacon Coffee

Maple Bacon Coffee – This would be a great way to start the morning, without all the mess of cooking bacon. Bacon flavored coffee sounds amazing and strange at the same time.

Bacon Lollipops

Following the breakfast theme, the folks at Das Foods developed a maple bacon lollipop. Although their lolly may appear to be twice-as-bad-for-you candy, it's actually 100% natural and contains no additives or corn syrup. Instead, the suckers are made from sustainable bacon and pure maple syrup. Kids, tell your parents the good news!

Bacon Peanut Brittle

Hey, you got your peanut brittle in my bacon! And you got your bacon in my peanut brittle! Okay, Reese's did not create this crunchy, savory, and sweet treat; instead, the geniuses behind the southern-style restaurant The Redhead did.

Meaty, rich, smoky Newskie's bacon is chopped up and cooked down, then tossed with fresh-roasted Bazzini's peanuts, spices, and that sweet Vermont maple syrup. Two great tastes that taste great together!

Bacon Ice Cream

Beachgoers on Rehoboth, DE's boardwalk flock to famed ice cream shop Udder Delight for extraordinary flavors like Better Than Sex (cake batter, African vanilla, and swirls of fudge). But above all, the crowds can't get enough of the outrageous bacon ice cream. This treat uses Bac-O-Bits — turns out the bits makes the bacon flavor even more intense. For the real pork, hit up the shop when the chocolate bacon ice cream is on the menu. The crunchy, chocolate-dipped bacon strips taste like candy bursting out of custardy vanilla ice cream.

Beer is good n stuff

Bacon Beer – This brings my two favorite things together, bacon and beer. This is not that strange, I just wanted to put it on this list to tell the world about BACON BEER! Try the German version, I hear its better!

 If beer isn't your drink of choice try some bacon vodka


Bacon Cheddar Popcorn

The Kernel Encore Gourmet Popcorn company dreamed up the ultimate snack. Its special corn kernels are coated with cheddar cheese and seasoned with smoky bacon powder. Thanks to the folks at Kernel, now you can satisfy your bacon craving at the movies.

Bacon Jam

Cook down bacon, onions and spices and what do you get? Bacon jam. Not sure what you'd do with it but put it on burgers. At $17 for 8 ounces, it must be the most expensive burger condiment in the world

Don't forget after eating all of that bacon you may need to clean your teeth using some bacon floss.
 

or

Use a Bacon-Flavored Toothpicks. The concept is awesome: If you do eat bacon, you can pick it out of your teeth afterwards with bacon-flavored toothpicks. A box of 80 costs $4.99.


Only Bacon Balm, bacon-flavored lip balm, would come with a warning that while your lips smell like bacon, they aren't bacon, so don't bite your lips.

Here's something to make your spirit bright around the holidays: BLT Votive Candles. I'm a little skeptical about the ones scented with lettuce and tomato, but about the bacon candle there can be no doubt. It will smell like bacon. Three candles for $33.95.

I personally don't like the taste of envelope glue. But I don't think I want it to taste like bacon either. However, if you feel differently, there's J&D’s Bacon-Flavored Mmmvelopes. Pack of 25 for $6.95


Bacon Air Freshener – I love bacon but I think having my car smell like bacon would be strange, I would always be hungry for bacon
.

Bacon spray – This is the strangest one of all, a diet where you spray food flavored liquid in your mouth. I think this would just drive me crazy. Eating bacon is not just about the flavor it’s also about the crisp (or chewiness, if you like it that way).


Once you are all finished earing the bacon don't forget to shower using bacon soap.
 

And last but not least
It doesn’t contain bacon, but it looks and smells like bacon, and it’s available for purchase from mcphee: the bacon-scented bacon print tuxedo.




Perfect for your next formal event.