Unacceptable Halloween Treats!

Here's a list I put together of inacceptable Halloween Treats!

Any school supplies.

Any type of fruit. -Raisins (Using an empty box as a kazoolike instrument is kinda fun though.)

Candy Corn, Marshmallow Peeps, Circus peanuts, Mary Janes, Sugar Daddie & Babies, Boston Baked Beans, Good & Plenty, Red Hots, Malted Milk Balls, etc outdated candy that only adults like.

Candy Cigarettes (The kids may love them but most parents now a days wouldn't be too happy)

Loose pastel Peanut M&Ms from four Easters ago.

Sugar Free candies.

Cough Drops.

Fruitcake.

Cookies, brownies, fudge etc you made yourself. Just weird and probably won't keep well anyways.

Homemade caramel apples (which are actually kind of fun to throw).

Fat free snacks, like Goldfish crackers or pretzels.

Midget granola bars with no chocolate or candy in them.

Rice cakes.

Gogurt or any type of yogurt actually.

Homemade popcorn balls with bits of cat hair stuck on the side.

A pet cat, or any type of pet.

Meat on a stick with little bones in it.

Actually any type of meat.

Travel toothbrush and mini-toothpaste.

A toothbrush, period.

Tiny shampoo samples from a hotel.

Kleenex.

Flower, Plant, etc seeds.

Religious propaganda.

Cheap 8-packs of generic Chinese crayons.

Little paper bags full of dirty nickels & unwrapped gum.

Pennies.

Anything in a can.

Bouillon cubes.

A fun-sized Milky Way with a big rusty needle sticking through it or partially unwrapped.

Condiment packets. Ya know, the ones that are free from restaurants.

A non working burned CD or DVD.

To avoid any doubt, go ahead and print this out and take it with you to the store. Don't ruin a neighborhood kids holiday. He may retaliate afterward. While I under stand Trick-or Treating is giving something away - it should be appreciated as a gift, not taken for granted and judged, kids judge, its one of the things they do best.

Hmm...

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!

And Last but not least.....

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her butt off to jail." > .............

How many ... does it take to change a light bulb?

Email Forward:


Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: None of your damn business!
A2: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.

Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, One to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure that nobody else tries to change the bulb at the same time.

Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb and one not to change it. Note: 1 to change and 1 not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is four. One to change the bulb.

Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Billions and billions.

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their subordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ------" consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in, and the other to say "Fabulous!"

Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.
A2: None of your damn business!

Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. ("That's all right... I'll just sit here in the dark...")

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. (Hint: they are small enough to fit inside)

Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many Generals/Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb, and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

Q: How many med students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really one.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!

Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.

Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10: One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many strong does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 115: One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one Watt bulb?
A: Five: A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple...

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one: One to install the new bulb, and fifty to figure what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.

Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!

Q: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One-third less than for a regular bulb.

Q: How many Jewish-American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to get a Tab, and one to call Daddy.

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.

Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45: One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who says it's dark?

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.

Q: How many members of the Impossible Missions Force does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five: While Cinnamon creates a diversion by wearing a skimpy dress, I use a tiny narcotic dart to knock out the fascist dictator and remove his body. Rollin, wearing a plastic mask, masquerades as the dictator long enough for Barney to sneak up to the next floor, drill a hole down into the light fixture, remove the burned-out bulb, and replace it with a new super-high wattage model of his own design. Meanwhile, Willie has driven up to the door in a laundry truck. Just before Rollin's real identity is revealed, we escape to the laundry truck, drive to the airfield, and return to the United States.

Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

Q: How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Many hands make light work.

Q: How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the light bulb and the universe revolves around him.

Some jokes :)

My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit" he says. “That’s not surprising,” the elders say. “You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. (Henny Youngman) 

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said. “No. I hate myself now.” (Rodney Dangerfield)

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)

I went to my doctor and told him “my penis is burning.” He said, “That means somebody is talking about it.” (Garry Shandling)

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, “Here’s a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.” The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It’s a woman. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle.”

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. “Here’s that $20 I owe you,” he says.

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, “please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back.” And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: “He had a hat!” (Myron Cohen) 

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. “Are you gonna play golf?” he asks “Or are you just gonna fuck around?”

I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I’d go to confession, I’d say “Bless me, father, for I have sinned — and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen.” (Bill Maher)

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “We would. But we need the eggs.”

  A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three
  rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room,
  people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see
  the next room.” In the second room, people are standing with shit up to
  their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third
  room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and
  eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.” Satan says okay
  and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On
  the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your
  heads!”

  A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races
  in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douchebag!” the
  father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and
  turns to face his son. “Your father just said a bad word,” he says. “I was
  angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong.
  But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want
  to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too
  late, douchebag.”

  Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly
  appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the
  campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack,
  digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The
  second guys says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that
  bear.” “I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need
  to outrun you.”

  A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scount. “This dog can speak
  English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent. “Okay, Sport,” the guys says
  to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies. “Oh,
  come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, wait,” the
  guy says. He asks the dog “what does sandpaper feel like?” “Rough!” the dog
  answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing
  his patience. “No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you. ” He
  turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball
  player of all time?” “Ruth!” goes the dog. And the talent scount, having
  seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns
  to the guy and says “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”  

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, “Sir, you are
  drunk.” Churchill replies, “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be
  sober.” 

Love. Life...

¤≈♥‡♥≈¤

Life is like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you are going to get...

Never know whats planned in your future.

Or who you are going to fall in love with...

Love makes life so confusing, but without love
would you really want to live?

There is no stronger bond then Love.

Love can get you through the good and the bad.

If you love someone never take it for granted because when you cant have that love its the worst thing in the world.

Nut never give up on love... its the best thing to have.

Guys are like stars...there are a million of them, but only one will make your wish come true.

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them, If you do.. they might break your heart, but if you don't you might break theirs.

Never say goodbye when you still want to try.

Never give up when you still feel you can take it.

Never say you don't love a person when you can't let go.

I love you & Im willing to accept the love you have for me.

No more questions. Our future will be what we make of it.

I dont love you because I need you. I need you because I love you.

¤≈♥‡♥≈¤

I will be fine. I'm glad. I'm feeling better already :)

Adorable animal adoptions!

Adorable animal adoptions!

Seeing this story on the news has inspired me to blog about it.


After Hurricane Hannah ravaged the state of South Carolina, the tigers of one of the zoos started acting very aggressive and were considered a danger to their young. So these two white tiger cubs were separated from their mother and adopted by a 2-year-old chimpanzee. As you can see from the photos he’s really taking parenting seriously. I wonder how their relationship will evolve…














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More adorable animal adoptions:

A paternal dog has adopted an abandoned baby goat as his surrogate child.




Billy the boxer has become the constant companion of the 12-day old kid called Lilly. He sleeps with the goat, licks her clean, and protects her from any dangers at Pennywell Farm wildlife centre at Buckfastleigh, near Totnes, Devon



Lilly was the smallest of a litter of three kids and her mother abandoned her because she could only care for the two stronger ones. The pair have attracted quite a crowd at the animal centre and the staff are keen to see how their relationship will develop.


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Dachshund Adopts Piglet




Yes, its a piglet in with the puppies!




He is just a little bigger than her other pups. Mom loves this little guy more than the other puppies and she is nursing him back to health. He is the cleanest piggy ever because mom licks him all the time.



It's so cute!

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In China, a chihuahua named HuaHua has adopted a chick. For whatever reason, the dog began to take care of the bird almost immediately after it was brought home. When the chick strays too far from it’s cot, HuaHua scoops the bird up in her mouth and walks the chick back to safety. As you can see, the chick looks delighted with this arrangement.


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An abandoned baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast found a giant male tortoise to be its segregate mother.


The male tortoise, who is more than one hundred years old, seemed to accept his position as the hippo’s new mother and the two have been inseparable ever since.



“They swim, eat, and sleep together,” the ecologist Paula Kahumbu of Lafarge Park said. “The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it followed its mother.



Somebody approaches the tortoise; the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother.”

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A dog nursing two wild cats who's mother had died while giving birth to them, along with her own puppy.

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A boarder collie adopts baby ducks after their mother was hit by a car.

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Animals who adopt other species on youtube


Includes related videos

Altruism in animals wiki article.
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http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ARS_linktous_468x60_01

When I was younger my neighbor Amanda's dog would feed a little baby squirrel. I thought this was the most adorable thing ever. Well, until the squirrel would try to go into her house after the dog, and even followed me home and tried coming in my house with me as well.

Have you ever seen anything like this?

Credit

How am I supposed to establish my credit if I cant get any credit?

For over 3 years I had a Nextel phone in my name. I was only late on my payment once and not even late enough for them to shut it off or anything. When I first got that phone I only had to put down a $50 deposit.
Now 4+ years later I try to get a Sprint phone in my name again and they tell me I would have to put $500 down. AT&T said the same amount. Tmobile wont even offer me a contract. I would have to pay full price for a phone and go month by month billing always paying a month in advance. Why? Because I have no credit.

I worked at a school for over 3 years. I had my checking account open for 5 years never going below my $300 minimum balance. The only bill I had in my name was my Sprint/Nextel bill. I go to my bank to get a thousand dollar loan for school. Denied. I tried getting a $500 limit Chase credit card. Denied. Hell I tried getting the lowest credit limit card Target had to offer. Denied. Why? Because again I have no credit.

Back then I thought paying a cell phone bill would help me get credit but I was wrong. A cell phone is not considered a utility or staple so it doesn't count on your credit. Yet if I were to rack up a $500 cell phone bill and never pay it, it would go on my credit.

I just dont get it!

My friend suggested that I get a secured credit card. Ill need about $300 to get a $500 limit. These cards allow you to make a deposit with a lender (such as your bank or credit union), and the amount usually becomes your credit limit. The issuer takes on zero risk because if you don't pay on time, it can dip into your account to cover the bill. But the bank Ive belonged to for 8+years, Chase bank has one of the highest interest rates on these type of cards. (11% APR.)

So I would need to open an account at another bank and put a minimum balance in my account and save up enough money to actually get the card too to get a lower interest rate. But it looks like this is what I will have to do since I will be subletting and wont be able to actually have any utilities in my name.
Fuck credit. Fuck the government. Fuck the economy!
I was born and raised here. As were my parents. Home of the free right? Nothing is ever free or will be free here in good ol US of A.
My biggest peeve is how can people that weren't even born here get money for school and credit cards so easily? It just doesn't seem fair to me at all. But thats another rant for another day.

English Idioms & Idiomatic Expressions

An idiom is a phrase where the words together have a meaning that is different from the dictionary definitions of the individual words, which can make idioms hard for ESL students and learners to understand. Here's a dictionary of 3,457 English idiomatic expressions with definitions starting with the letter 'A'.

Scroll down for the link to more.

171 Idioms Beginning With 'A'

A bit much
    If something is excessive or annoying, it is a bit much.

A chain is no stronger than its weakest link
    This means that processes, organisations, etc, are vulnerable because the weakest person or part can always damage or break them.

A day late and a dollar short
    (USA) If something is a day late and a dollar short, it is too little, too late.

A fool and his money are soon parted
    This idiom means that people who aren't careful with their money spend it quickly. 'A fool and his money are easily parted' is an alternative form of the idiom.

A fool at 40 is a fool forever
    If someone hasn't matured by the time they reach forty, they never will.

A hitch in your giddy-up
    If you have a hitch in your giddy-up, you're not feeling well. ('A hitch in your gittie-up' is also used.)

A lick and a promise
    If you give something a lick and a promise, you do it hurriedly, most often incompletely, intending to return to it later.

A little bird told me
    If someone doesn't want to say where they got some information from, they can say that a little bird told them.

A little learning is a dangerous thing
    A small amount of knowledge can cause people to think they are more expert than they really are.eg. he said he'd done a course on home electrics, but when he tried to mend my table lamp, he fused all the lights! I think a little learning is a dangerous thing

A long row to hoe
    Something that is a long row to hoe is a difficult task that takes a long time.

A lost ball in the high weeds
    A lost ball in the high weeds is someone who does not know what they are doing, where they are or how to do something.

A month of Sundays
    A month of Sundays is a long period of time: I haven't seen her in a month of Sundays.

A OK
    If things are A OK, they are absolutely fine.

A penny for your thoughts
    This idiom is used as a way of asking someone what they are thinking about.

A penny saved is a penny earned
    This means that we shouldn't spend or waste money, but try to save it.

A picture is worth a thousand words
    A picture can often get a message across much better than the best verbal description.

A poor man's something
    Something or someone that can be compared to something or someone else, but is not as good is a poor man's version; a writer who uses lots of puns but isn't very funny would be a poor man's Oscar Wilde.

A pretty penny
    If something costs a pretty penny, it is very expensive.

A problem shared is a problem halved
    If you talk about your problems, it will make you feel better.

A rising tide lifts all boats
    This idiom, coined by John F Kennedy, describes the idea that when an economy is performing well, all people will benefit from it.

A rolling stone gathers no moss
    People say this to mean that that an ambitious person is more successful than a person not trying to achieve anything. Originally it meant the opposite and was critical of people trying to get ahead.

A slice off a cut loaf is never missed
    Used colloquially to describe having sexual intercourse with someone who is not a virgin, especially when they are in a relationship. The analogy refers to a loaf of bread; it is not readily apparent, once the end has been removed, exactly how many slices have been taken.('You never miss a slice from a cut loaf' is also used.) 

A steal
    If something is a steal, it costs much less than it is really worth.

A still tongue keeps a wise head
    Wise people don't talk much.

A watched pot never boils
    Some things work out in their own time, so being impatient and constantly checking will just make things seem longer.

A1
    If something is A1, it is the very best or finest.

Abide by a decision
    If you abide by a decision, you accept it and comply with it, even though you might disagree with it.

Abject lesson
    (India) An abject lesson serves as a warning to others. (In some varieties of English 'object lesson' is used.)

About as useful as a chocolate teapot
    Someone or something that is of no practical use is about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

About face
    If someone changes their mind completely, this is an about face. It can be used when companies, governments, etc, change their position on an issue.

Above board
    If things are done above board, they are carried out in a legal and proper manner.

Above par
    Better than average or normal

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
    This idiom means that when people are apart, their love grows stronger.

Accident waiting to happen
    If something is an accident waiting to happen, there's definitely going to be an accident or it's bound to go wrong. ('Disaster waiting to happen' is also used.)

Ace in the hole
    An ace in the hole is something other people are not aware of that can be used to your advantage when the time is right.

Ace up your sleeve
    If you have an ace up your sleeve, you have something that will give you an advantage that other people don't know about.

Achilles' heel
    A person's weak spot is their Achilles' heel.

Acid test
    An acid test is something that proves whether something is good, effective, etc, or not.

Across the board
    If something applies to everybody, it applies across the board.

Across the ditch
    (NZ) This idiom means on the other side of the Tasman Sea, used to refer to Australia or New Zealand depending on the speaker's location.

Across the pond
    (UK) This idiom means on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, used to refer to the US or the UK depending on the speaker's location.

Act of God
    An act of God is something like an earthquake or floods that human beings cannot prevent or control.

Act of war
    An act of war is a action that is either intended to start a war or that is interpreted as being sufficient cause for a war.

Actions speak louder than words
    This idiom means that what people actually do is more important than what they say- people can promise things but then fail to deliver.

Adam's apple
    The Adam's apple is a bulge in the throat, mostly seen in men.

Add fuel to the fire
    If people add fuel to the fire, they make a bad situation worse.

Add insult to injury
    When people add insult to injury, they make a bad situation even worse.

After your own heart
    A person after your own heart thinks the same way as you.

Against the clock
    If you do something against the clock, you are rushed and have very little time to do it.

Against the grain
    If doing something goes against the grain, you're unwilling to do it because it contradicts what you believe in, but you have no real choice.

Age before beauty
    When this idiom is used, it is a way of allowing an older person to do something first, though often in a slightly sarcastic way.

Agony aunt
    An agony aunt is a newspaper columnist who gives advice to people having problems, especially personal ones.

Ahead of the curve
    Similar to ahead of the pack, ahead of the curve literally refers to your position on the statistical bell curve, where the top of the curve represents the median, average result. By being ahead of the curve you represent the top percentile of results that either has the advanced skills or understanding that sets you apart.

Ahead of the pack
    If you are ahead of the pack, you have made more progress than your rivals.

Ahead of time
    If something happens ahead of time, it happens early or before the set time.

Air your dirty laundry in public
    If you air your dirty laundry in public, you reveal aspects of your private life that should really remain private, by telling a secret, arguing in public, etc.

Albatross around your neck
    An albatross around, or round, your neck is a problem resulting from something you did that stops you from being successful.

Alike as two peas
    If people or things are as alike as two peas, they are identical.

Alive and kicking
    If something is active and doing well, it is alive and kicking.  (It can be used for people too.)

All along
    If you have known or suspected something all along, then you have felt this from the beginning.

All and sundry
    This idiom is a way of emphasising 'all', like saying 'each and every one'.

All bark and no bite
    When someone talks tough but really isn't, they are all bark and no bite.

All bets are off
    (USA) If all bets are off, then agreements that have been made no longer apply.

All dressed up and nowhere to go
    You're prepared for something that isn't going to happen.

All ears
    If someone says they're all ears, they are very interested in hearing about something.

All eyes on me
    If all eyes are on someone, then everyone is paying attention to them.

All fingers and thumbs
    If you're all fingers and thumbs, you are too excited or clumsy to do something properly that requires manual dexterity. 'All thumbs' is an alternative form of the idiom.

All hat, no cattle
    (USA) When someone talks big, but cannot back it up, they are all hat, no cattle.('Big hat, no cattle' is also used.)

All heart
    Someone who is all heart is very kind and generous.

All hell broke loose
    When all hell breaks loose, there is chaos, confusion and trouble.

All in a day's work
    If something is all in a day's work, it is nothing special.

All in your head
    If something is all in your head, you have imagined it and it is not real.

All mod cons
    If something has all mod cons, it has all the best and most desirable features. It is an abbreviation of 'modern convenience' that was used in house adverts.

All mouth and trousers
    (UK) Someone who's all mouth and trousers talks or boasts a lot but doesn't deliver. 'All mouth and no trousers' is also used, though this is a corruption of the original.

All my eye and Peggy Martin
    (UK) An idiom that appears to have gone out of use but was prevalent in the English north Midlands of Staffordshire, Cheshire and Derbyshire from at least the turn of the 20th century until the early 1950s or so. The idiom's meaning is literally something said or written that is unbelievable, rumor, over embellished, the result of malicious village gossip etc.

All of the above
    This idiom can be used to mean everything that has been said or written, especially all the choices or possibilities.

All over bar the shouting
    When something is all over bar the shouting, the outcome is absolutely certain.('All over but the shouting' is also used.)

All over Hell's half acre
    (USA) If you have been all over Hell's half acre, you have been traveling and visiting many more places than originally intended, usually because you were unsuccessful in finding what you were looking for. It can also be used to mean everywhere.

All over the map
    (USA) If something like a discussion is all over the map, it doesn't stick to the main topic and goes off on tangents.

All over the place
    If something is completely disorganised or confused, it is all over the place.

All over the shop
    If something is completely disorganised or confused, it is all over the shop.

All over the show
    If something is all over the show, it's in a complete mess.An alternative to 'All over the shop'.

All roads lead to Rome
    This means that there can be many different ways of doing something.

All set
    If you're all set, you are ready for something.

All sixes
    If something is all sixes, it doesn't matter how it's done; it's the same as 'six of one and half a dozen of the other'.

All skin and bone
    If a person is very underweight, they are all skin and bone, or bones.

All square
    If something is all square, nobody has an advantage or is ahead of the others.

All talk and no trousers
    (UK) Someone who is all talk and no trousers, talks about doing big, important things, but doesn't take any action.
All that glitters is not gold
    This means that appearances can be deceptive and things that look or sound valuable can be worthless. ('All that glistens is not gold' is an alternative.)

All the rage
    If something's all the rage, it is very popular or fashionable at the moment.

All the tea in China
    If someone won't do something for all the tea in China, they won't do it no matter how much money they are offered.

All your eggs in one basket
    If you put all your eggs in one basket, you risk everything at once, instead of trying to spread the risk. (This is often used as a negative imperative- 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket'. 'Have your eggs in one basket' is also used.)

All's fair in love and war
    This idiom is used to say that where there is conflict, people can be expected to behave in a more vicious way.

All's well that ends well
    If the end result is good, then everything is good.

All-singing, all-dancing
    If something's all-singing, all-dancing, it is the latest version with the most up-to-date features.

Alter ego
    An alter ego is a very close and intimate friend. It is a Latin phrase that literally means 'other self'.

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride
    If someone is always a bridesmaid, never a bride, they never manage to fulfill their ambition- they get close, but never manage the recognition, etc, they crave.

Ambulance chaser
    A lawyer who encourages people who have been in accidents or become ill to sue for compensation is an ambulance chaser.

Amen
    Some use 'Amen' or 'Amen to that' as a way of agreeing with something that has just been said.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away
    Eating healthy food keeps you healthy.

An old flame
    An old flame is a person that somebody has had an emotional, usually passionate, relationship with, who is still looked on fondly and with affection.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
    This expression means that is is better to try to avoid problems in the first place, rather than trying to fix them once they arise.

And all that jazz
    This idiom means that everything related or similar is included.

Angry as a bear
    If someone is as angry as a bear, they are very angry.('Angry as a bear with a sore foot' is also used.)

Angry as a bull
    If someone is as angry as a bull, they are very angry.

Answers on a postcard
    This idiom can be used to suggest that the answer to something is very obvious or that the person would really like to hear what people think.

Ants in your pants
    If someone has ants in their pants, they are agitated or excited about something and can't keep still.

Any port in a storm
    This means that in an emergency any solution will do, even one that would normally be unacceptable.

Any Tom, Dick or Harry
    If something could be done by any Tom, Dick or Harry, it could be done by absolutely anyone.

Apple of your eye
    Something or, more often, someone that is very special to you is the 'apple of your' eye.

Apple pie order
    Everything is in perfect order and tidy if it is in apple pie order.

Apples and oranges
    Tis used when people compare or describe two totally different things. ('Apples to oranges' is also used.)

Apples for apples
    An apples for apples comparison is a comparison between related or simialr things. ('Apples to apples' is also used.)

Apron strings
    A man who is tied to a woman's apron strings is excessively dependent on her, especially when it is his mother's apron strings.

Argue the toss
    (UK) If you argue the toss, you refuse to accept a decision and argue about it.

Arm and a leg
    If something costs an arm and a leg, it is very expensive.

Armchair critic
    An armchair critic is someone who offers advice but never shows that they could actually do any better.

Armed to the teeth
    If people are armed to the teeth, they have lots of weapons.

Around the clock
    If something is open around the clock, it is open 24 hours a day. For example, an airport is open around the clock.

Arrow in the quiver
    An arrow in the quiver is a strategy or option that could be used to achieve your objective.

As a rule
    If you do something as a rule, then you usually do it.

As cold as ice
    This idiom can be used to describe a person who does not show any emotion.

As cold as stone
    If something is as cold as stone, it is very cold. If a person is as cold as stone, they are unemotional.

As cool as a cucumber
    If someone is as cool as a cucumber, they don't get worried by anything.

As good as new
    If something has been used but is still in extremely good condition, it is as good as new.

As mad as a hatter
    This simile means that someone is crazy or behaves very strangely. In the past many people who made hats went insane because they had a lot of contact with mercury.

As mad as a wrongly shot hog
    (USA) If someone is as mad as a wrongly shot hog, they are very angry. (Same as, Angry as a bear or Angry as a bull).

As much use as a chocolate fire-guard
    A fire-guard is used in front of a fireplace for safety. A chocolate fire-guard is of no use. An alternative to 'As much use as a chocolate teapot'.

As much use as a chocolate teapot
    Something that is as much use as a chocolate teapot is not useful at all.

As much use as a handbrake on a canoe
    This idiom is used to describe someone or something as worthless or pointless.

As neat as a new pin
    This idiom means tidy and clean.

As one man
    If people do something as one man, then they do it at exactly the same time or in complete agreement.

As the actress said to the bishop
    (UK) This idiom is used to highlight a sexual reference, deliberate or accidental.

As the crow flies
    This idiom is used to describe the shortest possible distance between two places.

As you sow, so shall you reap
    This means that if you do bad things to people, bad things will happen to you, or good things if you do good things.

Asleep at the switch
    If someone is asleep at the switch, they are not doing their job or taking their responsibilities very carefully. 'Asleep at the wheel' is an alternative.

Asleep at the wheel
    If someone is asleep at the wheel, they are not doing their job or taking their responsibilities very carefully. 'Asleep at the switch' is an alternative.

At a drop of a dime
    (USA) If someone will do something at the drop of a dime, they will do it instantly, without hesitation.

At a loose end
    (UK) If you are at a loose end, you have spare time but don't know what to do with it.

At a loss
    If you are at a loss, you are unable to understand or comply.

At a snail's pace
    If something moves at a snail's pace, it moves very slowly.

At arm's length
    If something is at arm's length, it is a safe distance waway from you.

At cross purposes
    When people are at cross purposes, they misunderstand each other or have different or opposing objectives.

At daggers drawn
    If people are at daggers drawn, they are very angry and close to violence.

At death's door
    If someone looks as if they are at death's door, they look seriously unwell and might actually be dying.

At each other's throats
    If people are at each other's throats, they are fighting, arguing or competing ruthlessly.

At full tilt
    If something is at full tilt, it is going or happening as fast or as hard as possible.

At large
    If a criminal is at large, they have not been found or caught.

At loggerheads
    If people are at loggerheads, they are arguing and can't agree on anything.

At loose ends
    (USA) If you are at a loose end, you have spare time but don't know what to do with it.

At odds
    If you are at odds with someone, you cannot agree with them and argue.

At sea
    If things are at sea, or all at sea, they are disorganized and chaotic.

At the bottom of the totem pole
    (USA) If someone is at the bottom of the totem pole, they are unimportant. Opposite is at the top of the totem pole.

At the coalface
    If you work at the coalface, you deal with the real problems and issues, rather than sitting in a office discussing things in a detached way.

At the drop of a hat
    If you would do something at the drop of a hat, you'd do it immediately.

At the end of the day
    This is used to mean 'in conclusion' or 'when all is said and done'.

At the end of your rope
    (USA) If you are at the end of your rope, you are at the limit of your patience or endurance.

At the end of your tether
    (UK) If you are at the end of your tether, you are at the limit of your patience or endurance.

At the fore
    In a leading position

At the top of my lungs
    If you shout at the top of your lungs, you shout as loudly as you possibly can.

At the top of the list
    If something is at the top of the list, it is of highest priority, most important, most urgent, or the next in one's line of attention.

At the top of your lungs
    If you shout at the top of your lungs, you shout as loudly as you possibly can.

At the top of your voice
    If you talk, shout or sing at the top of your voice, you do it as loudly as you can.

At your wit's end
    If you're at your wit's end, you really don't know what you should do about something, no matter how hard you think about it.

At your wits' end
    If you are at your wits' end, you have no idea what to do next and are very frustrated.

Average Joe
    An average Joe is an ordinary person without anything exceptional about them.

Avowed intent
    If someone makes a solemn or serious promise publicly to attempt to reach a certain goal, this is their avowed intent.

Away with the fairies
    If someone is away with the fairies, they don't face reality and have unrealistic expectations of life.

Awe inspiring
    Something or someone that is awe inspiring amazes people in a slightly frightening but positive way.

AWOL
    AWOL stands for "Absent Without Leave", or "Absent Without Official Leave". Orignially a military term, it is used when someone has gone missing without telling anyone or asking for permission.

Axe to grind
    If you have an axe to grind with someone or about something, you have a grievance, a resentment and you want to get revenge or sort it out. In American English, it is 'ax'.

See more @ usingenglish.com

A lot to take in at once but an interesting read nonetheless.

Ramblings of a crazy cat lady

That's what I'm going to be one day. A crazy cat lady.

No husband, no kids, just have 10 cats running around. Maybe more but stinky litter disgusts me!
And I will be fine, happy and content being a crazy cat lady, I already know it.
Its either that or join the convent. Which I think will entertain people more than make a statement. Im already 1/2 way there though. My mom got me a chastity belt and is "hiding the key for the next year at the least". Those were her exact words!
Which is fine by me. I am not looking for a piece of ass. But thats not my style anyways. I'm a recovering relationship addict but its time to grow up and take on real responsibilities. Hopefully I am ready for the road that lies ahead of me!

On to a different note: Aka more ramblings! Heres some stuff that may or may not amuse you!
This is sexy!
M&M Store Floor Display Dispenser 42" YELLOW Character

This is funny
Lewis Black: Starbucks
And ohh soo true!

I read 2 books this week. I almost forgot how much I enjoyed reading a real book!
I loved the first Eragon book and I may get a library card just to check out the second one!

Today Ive been told I look like

Claire Forlani & Drew Berrymore

But I know I don't cause they are pretty hot!

Ive been smoking entirely too much to the point I think I'm getting sick from smoking cigarettes!

Oh and talking about warm apple pie or pumpkin pie gives me the giggles for 2 freaking hours!

I have all my exes (well except 1 cause his g/f is psycho and wont let him have 1) on my myspace. And I just spent forever talking to one on yahoo tonight...
If you cant be friends w/ your exes you are kinda messed up. I am super messed up but I get over things! Forgive and forget makes you so much stronger!

If 20's doesn't change his status message on yahoo, I'm gonna bop him upside the head!

I went to a friends wedding this past weekend. I hadn't seen him in a few years and I really realized how bad I suck.
I am sorry people. Its not that I don't like you, I just have anxiety!

Tomorrow I am going to get a phone gawd damnit!

Does anyone want to help me move this weekend?! Hah right :p

And last but not least before I write a novel here
My newest piece of Apparel. Hopefully I will figure out how to use the bathroom while wearing it!

For the girls. (& guys)

I'm newly single and I'm just re posting some email forwards I've gotten lately...

Nice girls finish last:
To every girl that is herself no matter what.
-To every girl that dresses cute not skanky
-To every girl who wants to be called beautiful not hot.
-To every girl that will spend her whole day looking for the perfect birthday present for you.
-To every girl who gets her heart broken because he chose the whore instead.
-To every girl who is nice to everyone no matter who they are.
-To every girl that would die to have a decent boyfriend.
-To every girl that wont settle for the jerk.
-To every girl who would just like once to be treated like a princess.
-To every girl that cries at night because of another heartbreak.
-To every girl that just wants to holds hands.
-To every girl that kisses him with meaning.
-To every girl who just wishes he cared.
-To every girl who would just once want a guy to give their jacket up when they are cold.
-To every girl who just wants him to call.
-To every girl who wastes her day waiting by the phone.
-To every girl that just wants to cuddle.
-To every girl that just wants to sleep (no sex) with him.
-To every girl that is scared to put her heart out there again because she has been hurt so many times.
-To every girl who shows how much she cares and gets nothing back.
-To every girl that thought maybe this could be the one.
-To every girl that believes in her dreams.
-To every girl that would do anything so she could achieve them.
-To every girl that laughs at stupid stuff when she actually does think it is funny.
-To every girl who is just looking for that one and only and is having a rough time along the way.
-To every girl that gave her heart only to have it shoved back in her face.

This one is for you.
---------------------------------------------

*If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
*If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
*Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
*Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
*Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
*Slower is better.
*Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
*If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
*A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
*Don't settle.
*If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
*Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
*You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
*The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
*Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
*He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?
*Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
*Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
*If something bothers you, speak up.
*Never let a man know everything.
*He will use it against you later.
*You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
*Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...Even if he has more education or in a better job.
*Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
*A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
*All men are NOT dogs.
*You should not be the one doing all the bending.. compromise is a two way street.
*You need time to heal between relationships..there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
*You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals..
*Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
*Dating is fun.. even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
*Make him miss you sometimes..
*When a man always know where you are,and you're always readily available to him.. he takes it for granted.
*Never move into his mother's house.
*Never co-sign for a man.
*Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
*Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies...
You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them...
---------------------------------------
Guy facts:

When a guy calls u
he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,
He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,
He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine," after a few minutes,
he means it

When a guy stares at you,
he thinks you're the most beautiful thing in the world

When you're laying you head on a guy's chest
he has the world

When a guy calls you everyday
he is in love

When a (good) guy say he loves you
he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you
he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"
he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else

Girl facts:

When she is quiet,
millions of things are running through her mind.

When she is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply.

When she looks at you with eyes full of questions,
she is wondering how much you really love her.

When she answers, "I'm fine," after a few seconds,
she is not at all fine and needs your help.

When she stares at you,
she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When she lays on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When she calls you everyday,
she is seeking for your attention.

When she wants to see you everyday,
she wants to be pampered and is totlly devoted to you

When she says, "Ill love you forever,"
she means it.

When she says that she can't live without you,
she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When she says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more than that
---------------------------------------
Fuck love:
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.